Click here for image: ENVY I've moved the image off the main page because as it was a personal sketchbook image from earlier days, it was making me uncomfortable to look at it every time I came to the site. You can still look at it, but I don't need to right now. Illustration Friday: Envy I work out a lot of anger and frustration in my sketchbooks (you who think I'm mild-mannered knew it had to go somewhere!) A few years ago, I did a number of paintings about not being able to get pregnant and how jealous I was to see expectant mothers everywhere I went. You know about synchronicity - when the universe sends you messages - I felt like all I saw were babies and happy families and big bellies. And all I felt was hollow inside. Well, a couple of years and three babies later (three babies in two years - not a recommended for the faint of heart), I'm realizing that any kind of jealousy can eat you away inside, and leave a hole that needs filling. In my case, love, my faith, and lots of art filled me up. The babies didn't fill the hole. But they helped. ;) ps ~ I totally dig my brother's illo this week.

Illustration Friday: Aquatic A present for my husband, who loves dolphins and whales and all sorts of finny things. We love the song as well. I need to look at this and remind myself to relax... frantic is not the word to describe my life right now. It's uber-frantic. Frenetic, possibly. We have three nights left of piano recitals to go, and I'm taking the kids to my parents' every afternoon and evening, so the house is appropriately quiet. I have a huge project at work that coincidentally, must happen NOW and requires me to be suitably creative and talented. Ah, that would require sleep! It's times like this that I'm grateful for the loving people around me, both at work and home, that make stuff possible instead of making more stress. The love helps, lots. And it also helps to know that in a week, this will all be over and we will be living the life of a normal family where nobody has to work until 10 every night. Summer, here we come! Woo hoo!

Painting and stuff. This is what I've been up to lately... painting like crazy because (a) it's totally fun and challenging to live without the holy "undo" I've gotten so attached to, and (b) because we're about to enter into a week of piano recitals that will keep me far away from my beloved brushes. There will be a painting explosion when I get back. :) The bottom left and middle were done Sunday night, the top left was done Monday, the big one on the right was started Tuesday and finished Wednesday. Starting another one tonight to finish before recitals. All were painted with coffee and acrylics.

Illustration Friday: Nourishment I get nourished by a number of different things, only one of them being food. I get sustenance from so many things - I could have done about 15 paintings (and who knows, maybe I will!) on friendship, family, music, my faith, and my life-saving painting habit. Feeding on words - stories, really - keeps me going and keeps my imagination and creativity alive. It inspires me to share more and more of myself and my own journey, and lets me know that it's perfectly okay to slip into a dream-world for a visit from time to time. I read on average about 10 books a week. Some I love, some I'm rereading, some are boring but I give them a try anyhow. On my nighttable right now are The Gospel According to Paul (dry going) and The Snarkout Boys and The Avacado of Death (what do you think?) I consider my library card to be my passport and a ticket to uncharted and exciting lands. Ingredients for this illustration: coffee (background wash), acrylic paint, pen, computer printout (of my Adventures In Chalking - yet another nourishing habit.)

Sometimes, when your day sucks, all you can do is put on your glitteriest pair of shoes and hope for the best.

Illustration Friday: Mischief My kids haven't figured out how to pool their resources just yet, but as soon as they do.... watch out, world! . . . . . Tomorrow the twins have their one-year visit at the therapists (they would have been one yesterday!) Please say a little prayer - I'm scared that they'll find there's a developmental problem. Stupid worries, I know, but I can't help it.

The best Mother's Day ever What a difference! This time last year, Angela was still in the hospital, and I spent the whole car ride home sobbing like a baby because I had to leave her there. I was incredibly depressed, overwhelmed, and making twice-daily hospital visits, and it all made for a very unfun Mother's Day. But this year! After church, we ALL WENT OUT TOGETHER, which is such an amazing thing I can hardly describe it. Normal people go downtown for a bagel and coffee all the time, but the fact that all 5 of us were able to sit at Panera's and eat something all at the same time is astounding still in this family. We're looking to do more of these outings this summer. And in the afternoon, I actually got to take a quick trip the library and art store ALONE. And since it was Sunday, it was Art Night, which Paul let me start early by getting the kids to bed.... it was probably the best Mother's Day so far for me. A lovely day. We celebrated our milestones so far - no more monitors, no more medicines, no more formula (a $50 savings every week!), and soon to be no more baby food! It's amazing to see how far we've all come. Sophie still astounds me on a day-to-day basis. Yesterday we went to the park and as we got closer to the playground, she called out, "Mama, you want to make a right!" (to turn the stroller into the playground area.) She says please and thank you, speaks in complete sentences, makes jokes, and wakes up singing every day. Her idea of a perfect afternoon is "doing her art gallery" (painting) and "running around outside and going on the swings." She is the coolest 2-year-old I know. Peter will crawl right up and give you a bear hug! Peter lives in extremes; he can't decide whether to laugh or cry when he's tired. One second he'll be writhing on the floor wailing, and the next he's cackling to himself and rushing across the room to grab a book. He can be the most quiet, happy to sit on a lap or push a car intently around the floor while his big hazel eyes take in everything around him. We sing "Petey Pop" to him and he loves it. Angela looks like the sweetest little kitten ever, yet she's the one we have to read "Teeth Are Not for Biting" to! When we sing "Petey Pop" she does the POP! part really loud, and she gets so excited she can't wait and has to do it 17 more times. The other day we listened to "I Don't Want to Live on the Moon" and I mentioned to Sophie that she could look at the book at the same time (we have the picture book). Angela dropped her bottle, wriggled over to the books, went through them until she found THAT BOOK, opened it, and crowed about it. Amazing! And all three of them are gigglers, huggers, and love to eat vegetables. Who could ask for more?

Illustration Friday: Ambition When you look at this picture, you should be singing (a la "Fiddler on The Roof") "Am-bi-shuuuuuuuuuun! Ambition!" At least, I can't stop myself from doing it. I often think that a huge factor in what makes someone a star, or a success, is sheer ambition. There are things you have to want more than anything else, and want it more badly than anyone else (which is why my singing career is pfft; I sing for the joy of it, and I know there are 9 billion people out there more talented than I am. I'm perfectly fine with that, too).

Your opinons wanted! Okay, frequent readers (and not-so-frequent readers), an overhaul of the gallery is in the works! Although I don't have all my work online, I do have a lot of it up there, and it's all categorized. I'm not left with a lot of room for spontaneity. There are paintings I haven't put up since there was no category for them, and I'd like to feature newer work as well. What I want to do is have a new "best of" gallery, where I can feature about 20 or so favorites. I'll still keep all the old stuff there, in case anyone has a hankering to see and read more. The basic idea is to give a sampling of my work for anyone who wants to either hire me, purchase a print, or use an existing illustration for their publication. This is where you come in! Do you have a favorite illustration? (I-Fridays count too, although you'll have to search the blog for them - yet another thing I'm working on: getting all of them in one place.) If there's something you think should be in the new gallery, please either comment below or send me an email. Thanks! ps ~ to anyone who's ever written me about a print or original work: I'm getting my resources together now and I will be getting back to you shortly. Promise!

Illustration Friday: Daring Sometimes daring to believe, when it goes in the face of everything the world tells you, is breathtakingly courageous. This line is (among other things) from a beautiful song by Fr. Carey Landry. After 9/11, all I could think of was this song, and when I finally heard it, sung by a group of children in a church we were visiting, I completely lost it (as I knew I would.) To the best of my recollection, the lyrics are: I believe in the sun even when it isn't shining I believe in love even when there's no one there And I believe in God I believe in God Even when He is silent I believe in miracles I believe in light I believe there will always be a way I believe that nothing is impossible I believe that nothing is impossible That all things are possible with God I believe in the sun even when it isn't shining I believe in love even when there's no one there And I believe in God I believe in God Even when He is silent Even when He is silent

Illustration Friday: Reinvent Honey, I know all about reinvention. I had to start from scratch when I broke up with a boyfriend of 5 years and had no earthly idea what I was like without him. (Better off, for starters.) I had to readjust when I became a working woman, a wife, and you don't want to know how much reinventing I had to do when God gave me three children in two years. Now I'm reinventing myself yet again, this time as someone who eats much healthier, is way more willing to let the small stuff slide, and who wants to be in shape not (just) to look like a hot mama but to make sure I'm healthy for my family. Oh yes, and a woman who knows she must paint to survive. The funny thing is, that every time I felt like I was starting from the ground up, everything that was truly authentically me stayed just the same. And the things that changed, I either said farewell to or good riddance, because I don't need them anymore. So no matter which personna I happen to be... it's still just little me in there. (Illustration: paint, marker, napkin, paper, notebook paper, catalog page, architect's tape, and that mysterious wrapping paper makes another appearance....)

Holey Moley, I HAVE to go to this. "Wild Things: The Art of Maurice Sendak," at the Jewish Museum. It runs from now until the day before my birthday... I am so inspired by his artwork, and not just because he found twelve things to say about chicken soup with rice. He manages to incorporate so many styles and still look like his own work. His paintings are joyful, sometimes disturbing (ever see Outside Over There?) and I think he paints each picture just for his own enjoyment. Which is ultimately as it should be. : : : : : The NYT article (free subscription) with narrated slideshows: "Sendak in All His Wild Glory" Gallery of images to enlarge

Illustration Friday: Alone I enjoy being alone. I don't equate "alone" with "lonely", since with all the 2-and-under's at my house, alone is something to be savored and enjoyed thoroughly. There's something special about quiet time to enjoy a book that doesn't rhyme or have bunnies in it. (Not that there's anything wrong with that...) I've kept this wrapping paper for ages since I love the pattern. It's a little bit audacious and insouciant, two words I love. ;) I like how you can have little pockets of alone-ness in the midst of all the other busyness surrounding you. Just tune it all out and savor your Alone.

Portrait of the artist as a young girl: sketched quickly while Sophie was intent on doing her own painting and had no idea what I was up to. She looked up midway through and said, "Dat is a picture of Sophie!" The fact that she was looking at it upside down at the time means either that the resemblance is true or that there's not too much else it could be and she's a good guesser.

By the numbers I'm working madly, and I have never felt so creative and yet so bottled up. I have 57 posts I could write, 100 things I want to discuss deeply, at least 9 letters I want to write to people, 15.5 sketches my fingers are itching to draw, not to mention the 302 things I want to clean up and change about my environment. I feel so frustrated at having to plod forward, one project at a time, when I want to fly in 100 directions at once. And yet I'm pouring everything I've got into doing work I'm proud of, right here and now. I'm living every moment fully, whether it's neighing like a wild pony with one baby clinging to my back and the other two chasing me around the coffee table, or discussing organic foods with the manager at the local ShopRite and getting them to order in higher quantites (yes!), or preparing final artwork for one book and getting excited about a new opportunity. I'm trying to say YES to everything I can, and enjoy it.

Illustration Friday: Travel I tend to do most of my traveling in dreams. Apologies for using a previous picture, but I'm almost at the finish of the illustrations for the upcoming "Spirits Unwrapped" and I'm pouring all my energies into that. Sneak peeks to come...

Sophie, the Flower Girl Saturday, in the midst of a torrential downpour, Snowflake and Lucky got married. It was both beautiful and unique, and a wonderful time was had by all. I'm not going to go into detail, since she ought to get to do that herself, but I couldn't keep these pics of Sophie all to myself... Blog of the Day! I'm the blog of the day today at Blog of The Day! Feel free to go say something nice. ;)

Ilustration Friday: Crowded A painting I did for my sister who asked for a picture of "fishies."

On my retreat.... I went on an AMAZING retreat for mothers this past weekend, and my mom and her friends were on the team that put it together. It was so special, being on a spiritual retreat with my awesome mom and other special mother-figures -- people who knew me when I was so small and who helped form my faith as well. It was almost tribal -- there was such a feeling of being in a fellowship of mothers, where the elders of the tribe were there for you to lean on and come to and share their wisdom. It felt very loving and nurturing, and I cried a lot. ;) In a nutshell, what I took away from the retreat: * God wants most for me to love my children. Check. I can do that one! * I don't need to have a huge faith, all I have to start with is a faith the size of a mustard seed. Check. I have that! I even have a necklace with a mustard seed in it, and like a dork, I wear it without even really thinking what it holds most of the time. * I don't need to be super-mom, Martha Stewart, spend a lot of money, or obsess about my kids to be a good mom, no matter what the media or the rest of the world tells me. Phew! What a relief! * I AM ALREADY A GREAT MOM. ;) * There is no mom competition. We should all be supporting each other, not giving each other guilt trips or thinking we don't stack up. Dang, I want to put this on a t-shirt or something. * Being a mother is an honor and a privilege. something I often forget in the midst of the unceasing diaper changes. * Prayer can take many forms, including singing and taking special notice of the world around you. I said on the retreat, "Wait, that's prayer too?" and the whole group said "Yes!" back at me. Thank God for that, because sometimes taking the time to notice the color of the sky or the new crocuses coming up is all I can manage. I had the opportunity to do so many neat things, and I tried to take advantage of them all instead of napping (which, on this retreat, was a totally accepted option). I prayed the rosary aloud with a group of women, hiking around the grounds of the retreat center. That was powerful to me -- almost like a mini-pilgrimage. I'm not big on the rosary and if it had been inside I wouldn't have done it, but outside, under the bright blue sky, all these mothers of so many ages, lifting their voice in prayer. It was so cool. I also got to go to Vespers -- the place is a school and is run by Benedictine monks -- and by some lucky chance I sat next to the cantor who took a liking to me (probably because I could read the music!) So he would point out what we were singing next and what page to turn to. It was beautiful, chants and responses, mostly in English and a bit in Latin. If I could, I'd go every night; what a peaceful and beautiful way to pray. Happy Easter and Spring -- this is our season, the time of creating. ;)

Illustration Friday: Bloom Crocus-Minded by Jo Sorley It takes courage to be crocus-minded. God, I’d rather wait until June, Like wise roses, When the hazards of winter are safely behind, and I’m expected, and everything’s ready for roses. But crocuses? Highly irregular. Knifing through hard-frozen ground and snow, and sticking their necks out, because they believe in spring and have something personal and emphatic to say about it. God, I am by nature rose-minded. Even when I have studied the situation here and know there are wrongs that need righting, affirmations that need stating, and know also that my speaking out may offend... for it rocks the boat... Well, I’d rather wait until June. Maybe later things will work themselves out, and we won’t have to make an issue of it. God, forgive, Wrongs don’t work themselves out. Injustices and inequities and hurts don’t just dissolve. Somebody has to stick her neck out, Somebody who cares enough to think through and work through hard ground, because she believes and has something personal and emphatic to say about it. Me God? Crocus-minded? Could it be that there are things that need to be said, and you want me to say them? I pray for courage.