Desperate Housewives had me bawling last night. Last night Lynette (the mom of four kids under the age of seven) got caught up in a cycle of no sleep at night and crazy kids during the day. Granted, the plot had acupuncture, an addiction to her kids' Riddalin and the usual looniness one expects from DH, but for once I identified with her. I understood about having a dream about screaming at your kids and throwing a jar of peanut butter straight through a window. She gives all four kids to one of her friends and gets in the car and speeds off with no explanation except that she needs a break. She finally breaks down and tells her friends how hard it's been and how she's going crazy. They hug her and tell her that they had amazingly rough times when their kids were small too and that it's even harder with so many young ones. "But why didn't any of you TELL ME?" she sobbed. And I completely understood what she meant. Not why doesn't anyone tell you how hard raising kids is; but why didn't anyone else tell me that they went through the same thing and survived? That I'm not alone in my desperation; that everyone else does not have all the answers, and that is quite possible to love your children with every bone in your body and try to be the best mom in the entire world and still long to fling open the car door and run away anywhere for a little while, just for some quiet. And that PPD makes it even harder. I swear to God, if there isn't a national organization for moms, there ought to be. People should know that they're not alone in all of this. Maybe I should start one (in my spare time, ha ha ha!) But truly, my life is at least twenty times better than it was in August - I am handling things so much better. Whether it's time or less hormones, I don't know, but all three kids are sick this week and while I'm stressing, I'm nowhere near as bad as I would have been 6 months ago. You know you've turned a corner when you wake up and hear this over the monitor first thing in the morning, and it makes you giggle instead of cry: (Sneeze.) "Uh-oh. Oh, Sophie has boogers. Boogers aaaaalllll over Sophie's face. Mama clean it up for Sophie. Mama come and get the boogers. Eeew. Boogers. Mama come get Sophie, clean it all up." (etc. etc.) I think I just might make it.

Illustration Friday: Cling This has been Sophie, all week. It's really amazing how sensitive kids are - not only has she had a little cold herself, but she could tell that I was acting differently all last week, since I was sick. And she knew something was wrong. Now she tugs on my leg, yells, "UP!" and hangs on like a koala bear in a torrential windstorm. If I dare suggest that she gets down so that I could do something mundane but necessary, like, say, take dinner out of the oven, she collapses into a sobbing heap. Only many hugs and reassurances that Mama is there for her can make it okay again. One thing I'm thankful for this year is my family, and the unquestioning, unconditional love we all share for each other. And the fact that I have the power to make a little girl's life happy by just loving her. * * * * * Thanks for all the suggestions and questions in Tuesday's post - I'm doing my best to answer every single one of them. And will I ever have a great list to take to the library!

Jumping on the bandwagon from demi-god Jon: 1. First, recommend to me: * a movie * a book: * a musical artist, song, or album: 2. Ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want. 3. Paste this into your journal, allowing your friends to ask you anything.

Holiday Cards aplenty. I've been sick all week, so I didn't have a chance to do an illustration for Illustration Friday, at least not an illustration I would feel was worthy of sharing. What I do have is lots of gorgeous cards for the holidays, and your chance to help me out with #29 on my list. Last year I wrote a play-by-play of how I was getting the cards ready for the printer, holding myself accountable in my blog. The comments are gone now but I received so much good feedback and encouragement that really helped make the project happen. If you want to read about the whole process, you can see it here (scroll down and start with October 13, and then read up.) And you can read the stories behind the illustrations here:

Illustration Friday: Vintage Inspired by justcoffeeart.com, this illustration was done in pencil and wine. Yes, that's right, washes of wine. I had a little to drink and a little to paint with and on the whole I like the way it worked out. Why don't people do this more often? Because (a) wine is better to drink with than to paint and (b) it smells like feet while it's drying. I kid you not. "Vintage" reminds me of good years in the past, and it's memories that have been playing a big part of my week. I found out (within a half hour!) that two different people I knew had heart attacks unexpectedly and passed away. One was Dodie, a woman I used to sing with in my old church choir. She was on vacation this week when it struck. The other was Ed, a sweet co-worker of my mom's who used to scout around the conference rooms for untouched food and send me all sorts of snacks via my mom - large coffee cups filled with M&Ms, bags of potato chips, you name it. I was pregnant with the twins and tried not to buy that stuff for myself but I'd gleefully accept it when it came. When Mom came over this week I gave her a little baggie of M&Ms and kept one for myself, and said we needed to eat them in Ed's memory. (And Ed, I did, and they were really good.) And I have a tape of Michael W. Smith music that Dodie gave to me long ago when we used to rehearse together - I'll be taking it out and listening to it, and remembering a sweet and quiet person and the music we used to share.

Illustration Friday: Search And it's so appropriate, because Friday night Paul and I are going OUT ON A DATE. That's right - a real date, for the first time in over 8 months! We're actually leaving the house and going out to our favorite restaurant for dinner, without children. And I have no clue what to wear! I'm just now taking out winter clothes I haven't been able to wear for the past two years (since for the past two years, I've been preggers this time of the year). I'm gleeful, twirling around in sweaters and slacks I haven't seen myself in, in ages. Will I glam it up or wear something fluffy and lush and warm? Who cares - I won't have to cook and I'll be swoony over Paul. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The dinner was super-nice - I had something with shrimp and asparagus and sundried tomatoes and mushrooms..... and our dessert was this great chocolate cake that I can't even describe but I was looking forward to it all day. And I was glam (silvery long scarf in my hair), fluffy and lush (woolen, almost polar-fleecy deep grey long dress) and warm (leggings underneath, and boots). Paul loved it, and Sophie came over and petted me before we went out, so I guess I was a hit.

Archives aplenty Look! I got a version of the archives to work. Scroll way down on the right to see them. I know they look like garbage, I know the first link doesn't work for some odd reason, but at long last I have archives again. It's been almost 4 years I've been blogging, and this journal has taken me through construction on our house, having Sophie, having the twins, birthdays, anniversaries, you name it, it's there. Go have fun!

Get out and VOTE! Well, I did it... how about you? And here's why it's important to do a little backround reading... I found this in our paper while looking up local candidates and reading up on the big "Parking Deck" issue: Mr. John Wolhrab of Linden whose name remains on the ballot was charged with assault by the Linden police two weeks ago for domestic violence and resigned from his appointed Freeholder position. If elected, the Democratic party announced it will replace him by appointing a Linden attorney, Nancy Ward. Mr. Wolhrab was appointed in March to replace former Freeholder Nicholas Scutari, who resigned his position to serve in the State Senate in 2003 in the wake of sexual harassment charges leveled against then Senator Joseph Suliga. Nice history for that position, huh? In any case, I did what I set out to do on my "Big 33" list: did my research and made the best-informed decision I could. Now all we have to do is wait....

Lots of Halloween and Fall pictures. At last, a photo of all three babies together, and check out those peas!