Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Beauty is... My dear friend Snowflake sent me this link to Pantone's Birthday Color site. Here's what it gives for my birthday's color (August 15): You are magnetic and others find you attractive. I find that to be both right and misleading. I have never thought of myself as attractive; never thought I was hideous, either, just average. I think I have good days when I might actually use the word "pretty" to describe myself, but then I've seen photos of a day when I felt particularly spectacular and was incredibly disappointed at how goofy I looked in reality. Which brings me to my point.... I think that any attributes of beauty or attractiveness that anyone sees in me come from the me that's inside. I think I am on the plain side, and anyone who thinks I'm otherwise has seen the real me shining through and that's what's lent the sparkle. I've often found that confidence and a happy spirit do more to make me attractive than whiter and straighter teeth or shiny hair could ever do. (My husband disagrees and thinks I'm beautiful to begin with, but you know what? He's supposed to think that. I'm not going to convince him otherwise.) So thinking further along these lines... I know how much self-esteem has to do with beauty, and how much a lack thereof can make a physically beautiful person unattractive. When I was growing up, in my preteen years, I was told over and over again by my peers how ugly I was, what a loser, and of course I believed it no matter what my parents said to me. What I became was a very late bloomer, which wound up working just fine for me, but the seeds of that 12-year-old taunting still run deep. I'm so determined to give my kids a strong sense of their own self-worth, to encourage them to let their true selves sparkle and shine and to believe in themselves no matter what anyone else says to them. I tell them every day how special they are and how much I love them, and I'll just have to hope that a daily dose of that will help innoculate them against the cruel things other kids say. So, how much of beauty is skin deep? And how much comes from the light inside you? ps ~ the Pantone page also says, "Your sensitive nature can work best in a creative field such as performing or decorative arts." So they're not all wrong.
Posted by french toast girl at 9:12 PM
Thursday, April 22, 2004
I'Mpossible. It's been an adventurous, scary, thrilling week. Peter is a delight and Sophie is thrilled to the tips of her toes with him - every morning she points to him and shouts, "Petey!" and already she's tried to share her Cheerios with him. He's on a monitor which seems to mostly want to alarm us in the middle of the night because a wire's coming loose - not for medical reasons. It's reassuring, but annoying all the same. One thing I know for sure - I've been stretched in so many ways these past weeks, stretched to learn new things, pushed to do things I never knew I could handle; things that pre-twins I would have said were just impossible. But I'm reminded of a wonderful SARK quote, where she says "Impossible means I'm possible." Right now, the possibilities of what I am capable of seem endless. I never knew before that I could possibly feed two newborns soley on pumped milk for a month, but I did it. I didn't think I'd ever fit in my jeans again, or get to go chalking or do anything artistic, but I've been doing those things too (joyfully!). Every day brings new challenges, and every day I learn that it's possible for me to rise to them and do them with all my heart. Interesting note: It's been 7 weeks since the twins were born, and this week was when my C-section was supposed to actually be scheduled. And the twins' official due date was May 8.... they're still not supposed to have been born yet! Now, if we could just get Angela home from the hospital....
Posted by french toast girl at 9:55 PM
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Friday, April 09, 2004
Monday, April 05, 2004
Things that have made me cry/melt in the past few days: - Sophie pointing to my braid and saying, "pretty." - a beautiful letter from my brother telling me what a great job I'm doing being a Mama. - watching the Sesame Street 35th Anniversary special (which was pretty disappointing) and seeing the clip where Susan says, "But Big Bird, Mr. Hooper's not coming back." - a crystal paperweight with a baby angel blowing kisses to the moon, from the moms on the Mother's Retreat my mom helps run every year. I do a scripture passage on a poster for them each year, but I had never expected something back. - the fact that the wonderful women from my Cornerstone group have been making our family dinner each Monday since before the twins were born - it's the hugest help. - and this: a mysterious package I received today with no card or return address, containing a gorgeous set of cards entitled "Mother's Nature: Calm and Confidence for the Motherhood Journey." It's beautiful and it's also the kind of thing I would love to make one day. I have my guesses as to who it is, but I'm not sure...?
Posted by french toast girl at 6:17 PM