At last! She paints! Paul watched Sophie for HOURS this past weekend so that I could do artwork and spend time at the library. We agreed that I would have one evening a week ("more than that!" Paul says) to just do artwork without Sophie. It's a good thing. So I tried my hand at a little collage (a new picture of FTG, much more on that later) and a new watercolour technique from this book: You paint an area with water only, but just as detailed as if you had paint on your brush. Then you load up your brush with color and drop it on the wet part and tilt your page around until it gets in every last nook and cranny. It's really cool -- the paint only goes on the wet part, it doesn't run onto the rest of your picture. (Note: the areas around it should be dry, otherwise the color will bleed.) The more colors you add, the neater it is. I also combined this exercise with a gesture-drawing one and one where you use different elements on your painting -- dropping rubbing alcohol into watercolour soaks up the color in bubble-shapes. Fun! Not sure if it's a fantastic piece of art, but it was a learning piece of art. And it was something else... the final page in my watercolour sketchbook. Good thing I bought two! It took me a two and a half years to use up this book. I'm sure hoping the second one gets used much more than that. Email, shmemail. My email isn't working. So if you've written to me recently and are wondering why I haven't responded, that's why. (As opposed to the too-busy-to-even-wash-my-hair-darnit reason that it usually is.)

Guess who turned three months old yesterday?

This morning I went over to my watercolour sketchbook, open to a new drawing of French Toast Girl. I placed my hand on her little penciled one, looked into her eyes, and whispered, "I promise you and I are going to spend some time together this weekend. I promise."

This mom thing is HARD. Harder than I ever thought it would be. I have, possibly, the happiest and sweetest baby in the world; a wonderful husband who helps more than any father I've heard of, supportive family and friends, and a flexible workplace. So why do I feel like a used-up dishrag? All the time?

The lovers, the dreamers, and me. I knew there was a reason I've been feeling so crummy. Today marks the 13th anniversary of Jim Henson's death. Sigh.

She likes it! Sophie came face to face with her mobile, and darnit, I wish I knew how to use the video camera. Her first expression was intense curiosity, replaced by the hugest, most delighted grin I have ever seen on her face, and actual giggles. I think I need to quit my job and do nothing but make her mobiles from now on.

Happy Mother's Day! Today is my very first Mother's Day! So far this weekend, I've:

• picked up 5 rolls of Sophie photos (coming soon to a website near you)
• gone to Mass together, at last (hooray for baptism and vaccinations!) ... Sophie was mobbed by fans
• gone out for breakfast with Sophie and her Daddy and had French Toast, natch
• walked downtown during a sidewalk art show and finally got info for joining the town's art association (which I will do this week; I swear by the sword of my father, Domingo Montoya)
• reserved my copy of Harry Potter at our local independent bookstore
• made a flower girl in the park stop crying by letting her draw with my chalk (and then had to clean her up for photos afterwards, although nobody in the wedding party seemed to mind the bright orange streaks on her dress. God, I love the fact that I can talk to anyone whether I know them or not. I hope I never change.)
• gotten Sophie transitioned into sleeping in her crib in another room; she's doing very well!
• had a surprise visit from one of Paul's best friends from California
• had the whole afternoon to draw and paint by myself whilst Buffy and Lydia ran in the background
• worked on redesigning my website
• worked on updating French Toast Girl, herself
• finished Sophie's bird mobile
• let Paul watch Sophie and make me a yummy dinner
• daydreamed about the looooooooooooooooooooooong bubble bath I'm going to take this evening and the funny book I'm reading
  

Sophie's Bird Mobile I've been painting a mobile for Sophie. We didn't see any we liked in the store, so I've decided to make one! I drew with her next to me on the floor, painted madly late into the night while she was asleep, and worked at 5am while Paul was feeding her. I have claimed the early-morning feeding time as my Art time; I know there will be at least 40 uninterupted minutes for me to do my thing. I've been really having a great time with this: there are four birds, each a different color and with different pictures on its wings. One's blue and purple with the sky on its wings; the others are green with leaves, orange and yellow with the sun, and red with a rainbow. I have two grey twigs ready to go for the supports... I wanted everything to be as natural as possible. I loved making the colors deep and rich, I loved splashing color after color and soaking the paper, I loved cutting out the wild shapes and seeing the clean, crisp edges. Sophie and I have been reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar a lot and I think I am going to do some artwork with that technique — cutouts arranged from wildly painted paper to make a whole new painting. I have always loved Eric Carle and Leo Lionni and I think that will be the next direction I try.

I just read the most amazing book: Flying Colors. It's about an artist who figured out a way for severely disabled people to paint; about the amazing talent they had, and how hard they had to fight for their art to be taken seriously. As soon as I read the last page, I flipped the book open to read it over again immediately -- it was that great! It made me think several things:

• what am I doing to help others to unleash their inner artists?
• what "handicap" do I use as an excuse to not paint? How can I get past this?
• do I ever treat others condescendingly because they are different than me?
• how many times have I met someone and not gotten past their outside to the real person inside?
• And it makes me ashamed to say "I can't."

Which is why I started painting last night... more details and maybe a picture to come. :)

I'm writing this from the office today. This is my first day back at work and away from home. I did all my crying last night; Sophie's with her daddy and I have a picture of her next to me. I will see her at 1 when I arrive home and work the rest of the afternoon from there. So far so good.