Click here for image: ENVY I've moved the image off the main page because as it was a personal sketchbook image from earlier days, it was making me uncomfortable to look at it every time I came to the site. You can still look at it, but I don't need to right now. Illustration Friday: Envy I work out a lot of anger and frustration in my sketchbooks (you who think I'm mild-mannered knew it had to go somewhere!) A few years ago, I did a number of paintings about not being able to get pregnant and how jealous I was to see expectant mothers everywhere I went. You know about synchronicity - when the universe sends you messages - I felt like all I saw were babies and happy families and big bellies. And all I felt was hollow inside. Well, a couple of years and three babies later (three babies in two years - not a recommended for the faint of heart), I'm realizing that any kind of jealousy can eat you away inside, and leave a hole that needs filling. In my case, love, my faith, and lots of art filled me up. The babies didn't fill the hole. But they helped. ;) ps ~ I totally dig my brother's illo this week.

Illustration Friday: Aquatic A present for my husband, who loves dolphins and whales and all sorts of finny things. We love the song as well. I need to look at this and remind myself to relax... frantic is not the word to describe my life right now. It's uber-frantic. Frenetic, possibly. We have three nights left of piano recitals to go, and I'm taking the kids to my parents' every afternoon and evening, so the house is appropriately quiet. I have a huge project at work that coincidentally, must happen NOW and requires me to be suitably creative and talented. Ah, that would require sleep! It's times like this that I'm grateful for the loving people around me, both at work and home, that make stuff possible instead of making more stress. The love helps, lots. And it also helps to know that in a week, this will all be over and we will be living the life of a normal family where nobody has to work until 10 every night. Summer, here we come! Woo hoo!

Painting and stuff. This is what I've been up to lately... painting like crazy because (a) it's totally fun and challenging to live without the holy "undo" I've gotten so attached to, and (b) because we're about to enter into a week of piano recitals that will keep me far away from my beloved brushes. There will be a painting explosion when I get back. :) The bottom left and middle were done Sunday night, the top left was done Monday, the big one on the right was started Tuesday and finished Wednesday. Starting another one tonight to finish before recitals. All were painted with coffee and acrylics.

Illustration Friday: Nourishment I get nourished by a number of different things, only one of them being food. I get sustenance from so many things - I could have done about 15 paintings (and who knows, maybe I will!) on friendship, family, music, my faith, and my life-saving painting habit. Feeding on words - stories, really - keeps me going and keeps my imagination and creativity alive. It inspires me to share more and more of myself and my own journey, and lets me know that it's perfectly okay to slip into a dream-world for a visit from time to time. I read on average about 10 books a week. Some I love, some I'm rereading, some are boring but I give them a try anyhow. On my nighttable right now are The Gospel According to Paul (dry going) and The Snarkout Boys and The Avacado of Death (what do you think?) I consider my library card to be my passport and a ticket to uncharted and exciting lands. Ingredients for this illustration: coffee (background wash), acrylic paint, pen, computer printout (of my Adventures In Chalking - yet another nourishing habit.)

Sometimes, when your day sucks, all you can do is put on your glitteriest pair of shoes and hope for the best.

Illustration Friday: Mischief My kids haven't figured out how to pool their resources just yet, but as soon as they do.... watch out, world! . . . . . Tomorrow the twins have their one-year visit at the therapists (they would have been one yesterday!) Please say a little prayer - I'm scared that they'll find there's a developmental problem. Stupid worries, I know, but I can't help it.

The best Mother's Day ever What a difference! This time last year, Angela was still in the hospital, and I spent the whole car ride home sobbing like a baby because I had to leave her there. I was incredibly depressed, overwhelmed, and making twice-daily hospital visits, and it all made for a very unfun Mother's Day. But this year! After church, we ALL WENT OUT TOGETHER, which is such an amazing thing I can hardly describe it. Normal people go downtown for a bagel and coffee all the time, but the fact that all 5 of us were able to sit at Panera's and eat something all at the same time is astounding still in this family. We're looking to do more of these outings this summer. And in the afternoon, I actually got to take a quick trip the library and art store ALONE. And since it was Sunday, it was Art Night, which Paul let me start early by getting the kids to bed.... it was probably the best Mother's Day so far for me. A lovely day. We celebrated our milestones so far - no more monitors, no more medicines, no more formula (a $50 savings every week!), and soon to be no more baby food! It's amazing to see how far we've all come. Sophie still astounds me on a day-to-day basis. Yesterday we went to the park and as we got closer to the playground, she called out, "Mama, you want to make a right!" (to turn the stroller into the playground area.) She says please and thank you, speaks in complete sentences, makes jokes, and wakes up singing every day. Her idea of a perfect afternoon is "doing her art gallery" (painting) and "running around outside and going on the swings." She is the coolest 2-year-old I know. Peter will crawl right up and give you a bear hug! Peter lives in extremes; he can't decide whether to laugh or cry when he's tired. One second he'll be writhing on the floor wailing, and the next he's cackling to himself and rushing across the room to grab a book. He can be the most quiet, happy to sit on a lap or push a car intently around the floor while his big hazel eyes take in everything around him. We sing "Petey Pop" to him and he loves it. Angela looks like the sweetest little kitten ever, yet she's the one we have to read "Teeth Are Not for Biting" to! When we sing "Petey Pop" she does the POP! part really loud, and she gets so excited she can't wait and has to do it 17 more times. The other day we listened to "I Don't Want to Live on the Moon" and I mentioned to Sophie that she could look at the book at the same time (we have the picture book). Angela dropped her bottle, wriggled over to the books, went through them until she found THAT BOOK, opened it, and crowed about it. Amazing! And all three of them are gigglers, huggers, and love to eat vegetables. Who could ask for more?

Illustration Friday: Ambition When you look at this picture, you should be singing (a la "Fiddler on The Roof") "Am-bi-shuuuuuuuuuun! Ambition!" At least, I can't stop myself from doing it. I often think that a huge factor in what makes someone a star, or a success, is sheer ambition. There are things you have to want more than anything else, and want it more badly than anyone else (which is why my singing career is pfft; I sing for the joy of it, and I know there are 9 billion people out there more talented than I am. I'm perfectly fine with that, too).