Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Portrait of the artist as a very tired mama

Sometimes I paint better when I'm exhausted. I can't seem to get a break this week, so I drag my sorry self up the stairs to my studio once the kids are in bed so I can paint. When I'm good and tired, I don't care as much as making it perfect. Perfection? Bah! Who needs it? Overrated.

In the past week, we've all had stomach bugs, a trip to the emergency room (Paul, diagnosed with kidney stones), and many, many sleepless nights. People have said to me, "Lucky you weren't sick!" but I was, and it didn't matter. I still am drained, but at least I'm back at work. Yay.

The one thing that kept me from hyperventilating at the hospital, waiting for Paul's results and operating on 3 hours of sleep, was the thought that no matter what happens, God will watch over us, and not to be consumed by worry (easier said than done). This song's refrain, in particular, was a great comfort.

The universe is vast beyond the stars
But You are mindful when the sparrow falls,
And mindful of the anxious thoughts
That find me, surround me, and bind me...

I have been bound by my anxiety... the painting is what gets me through it. I'm going to try to post more paintings and sketches - as I can't seem to stop painting, I may as well share them.

No comments: