I am married, but not settled - more stirred up I think. Still rebellious, still searching for inner peace. I see.... how life has molded our partnership; how living with and loving this man has surprised me, has turned out to be something I never expected... [We] are a thousand times blessed. In the sun and in the darkness as well, we can be happy together. Married, I am happy. Married, I am free.* Happy Birthday (and Anniversary, earlier this month) to my Paul. *again, from Singing Lessons by Judy Collins.

Illustration Friday: Dream This weekend I had a tremendous experience that I don't know if I could do justice to here with a limited amount of space. Suffice it to say, I made a request of God and it was filled INSTANTLY, in a very personal and humbling and visual way. While writing down the experience and the dream that preceded it, ideas for paintings came POURING out onto the paper, images I'd carried with me for years but never seriously entertained putting down. I think all in all there were 11 of them and 7 or more were all on the same theme - it occurred to me I could have a showing of all of them, and tell the stories that went with them. All very uplifting and hopeful. I also felt the urge to write myself a permission slip - and again, the words came tumbling out onto the paper. Permission to paint whatever I wanted, for myself. Permission to paint the same picture as many times as I needed to - big, small, different mediums - maybe they'd be easier to let go of if I had more than one to give away or sell! I put a big dotted line around it and boxed it. I think I was giving myself permission but it was God's hand guiding the pen. I wish you inspiration and love and the power to give yourself permission to do whatever it is you're afraid to do. Doors are opening.

The other french toast recipe. 'Kay, this is how I make french toast when there's just us (the 5 of us) at home. I don't have measurements, I just kind of mix things together so they look right - so no fear of measurements or anything technical here. It's all look and feel (and taste)! This is my own recipe, totally made up out of my head, from the days when I was a kid and would wake up early on Saturday morning to make toast for the family and then, while it was cooking, run outside and grab strawberries out of the front garden to put on top. Alas, now the deer at my parent's house eat every growing thing in sight and renegade squirrels make off with the rest, but I continue the tradition by making this for my family now and with my own strawberry patch. Note: you can make this as healthy or unhealthy as you like. The point is to experiment and have fun with it. Just please don't copy this to your site and pass it off as your own, or the karma of the toast will come back by clogging your arteries and sending you to an early grave. Don't say I didn't warn you. Feel free to share it, though. You need: - bread (whole wheat, italian, whatever you want!), figure at least 2 slices per person - 1 or 2 eggs - milk - vanilla - cinnamon - butter/margarine - fun extras - berries, whipped cream, maple syrup, strawberry syrup, powdered sugar Get a low bowl - you're looking for something wide and low, like a soup dish. (You don't want to bend your bread!) If you're making it just for you, use one egg, (more people or you want more for later, use two) and then pour enough milk in there so that when you mix it up it's a nice buttery color. I throw in a splash of vanilla as well. I shoot for well-mixed batter with NO big strands of egg white. Whip it, whip it good. Get your pan ready with butter; melt it so that when you have your drippy slice of battery bread you're all set to pop it in there. Then generously sprinkle cinnamon on top of your batter and place a slice of bread in the bowl. I for one don't like soggy toast at all, so I plop the bread in and quickly turn it over to the other side. Put it in the pan with the melted butter, cinnamon side down. Do the same with other slices till you fill up your pan. I happen to hate french toast with pieces of fried egg hanging off it, but if you mixed it well enough, this won't be a problem. If you do like your toast that way, then mix less. While they're browning, sprinkle cinnamon on the sides facing up. Dot with tiny pats of butter; they'll melt on the top as the bottom browns. I like my toast on the crispy side, so I like to get them good and brown like grilled cheese. When you like the way the bottom looks, flip it. When the undersides get nice and brown, remove them from the pan and do the next batch. Pay attention to the toast - turn down the heat if they're getting to dark too fast; and don't be afraid to slide another teeny pat of butter in there if you think it needs it. ;) Ways to serve your toast like we do at our house: - Please, serve it on a nice plate. - Try lots of fun toppings! Some of our favorites are: berries of all sorts, powdered sugar, whipped cream, bananas, nutella... or a combination of any of the above - Please, please, please, don't use Wonder bread, artificial syrup, or other fake stuff. Try the real deal and you probably won't want to go back to that overprocessed stuff. (That being said, my husband the Nature Boy actually prefers Aunt Jemimah to maple syrup. To each his own.) - Allow yourself to eat it sitting down, put on some nice music, and enjoy your food instead of eating it off a paper plate, standing up at the counter while you sip your reheated coffee from the styrofoam container. (This goes for all your food, not just french toast!) Have fun! You can freeze the leftovers... not that we ever have a crazy thing like that in our house!

Angela speaks! Take a listen to the littlest muffin recite some of her favorite words, with a yee! or two thrown in for good measure. Click here to listen to Angela [mp3]

Illustration Friday: Reflection. As I did quite a bit of reflection of the soul-searching sort last week, I figured I'd be literal this week. This is from a large drawing I did almost entirely in teeny tiny crosshatchings many years ago. While the monotony got to me eventually and I stopped using this technique soon after, I still love this picture. Closeup.... whatever was I thinking?!

French Toast Girl is 6, and we're celebrating with new stuff! In honor of the site's sixth anniversary, we're offering two exciting new products! A journal/sketchbook and glossy print, both featuring my blossom faerie watercolour painting. It's taken me a while to produce new stuff because I'm such a stickler for perfection, but these two really are something special! Wanna create? Carry around the journal/sketchbook and keep your dreams close by. Glossy cover and unlined pages. Our wire-bound with 160 unlined pages. 12pt glossy paper cover, coated for scratch resistance. Measures 5" x 8". Or bring some magic into your home with the glossy poster print. It has a wide border and looks great matted or hung plain. Measures 16" x 20" and fits standard frames. Printed on heavyweight 7 mil semi-gloss paper using superior dye inks. What are you waiting for? Go! Look!

Illustration Friday: Wise It's my birthday. I'm not sure if this past year has made me smarter, but it has made me a bit wiser. I've learned so much about finding joy and pleasure wherever I can find it, in the smallest things. I've learned that it's okay to be vulnerable, to be broken, to not be the superest, bestest, happiest supermom ever. That being human is perfectly acceptable. I've learned how vital art is to my well-being - that I am an artist, and that the act of creating and painting can save my very life. I've surprised myself by discovering that I love to work from home, that I can set up 33 things to do in a year and do most of them, that I am much stronger than I think. I've found out a lot about nutrition and the way food is grown and processed that will change the way my family and I eat for the rest of our lives. I've learned that many of the obstacles I think I face, I've created myself. And that I'm the one with the power to clear them away. I've let go of past hurts and misconceptions that made me scared to dream BIG. I've learned that prayer can take many forms, including singing, painting, and taking time to notice the simple beauty in a leaf. I've also learned to say thank you much more often. I've learned to accept whatever blessings come my way with open arms, instead of saying "I'm not worthy" or trying to think what I can give back in return. and... I've learned that treating myself as precious makes me strong.

Illustration Friday: Empty

A brand new look... done at last! See the latest collaboration between Paul and me.... his completely redone and beautified website! (You can see the old one here.) I would post screen caps, but as it's late and I've been flirting all evening with defenstration for this #$%@^&#!! computer (newer one's sitting on the floor next to me, ready to go), I'll have to pass for tonight. Trust me. It's pretty. And if you like it, tell Paul, he'll be thrilled! Oh, and defenestration is one of my favorite words. Ever. If I could, I'd have it on my business card, "Art Director and Defenestrator." Sounds impressive, doesn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah! I have found possibly THE greatest internet radio station of all time - an all Paul McCartney (and Beatles, and Beatle-related) musical extravaganza. I actually heard songs on there that I not only didn't know, but had never heard of. (Yes! There is such a thing! Everyone who knows me is shocked, good and proper.) Go. Listen. Now. And sing along, loudly. ps ~ Does anyone know the song the quote at the top of my comments box comes from? You get bonus points. (You, dear, who already probably not only knows all the songs I don't, but quite possibly knows ones Paul himself hasn't even dreamed up yet - please hold off until others have had a chance.) pps ~ And did you know there's a new McCartney album out next month? Homemade, playing all the instruments himself (again). No sign of artwork...it can't be worse than last time.

Illustration Friday: Aging I have been doing a lot of thinking about aging lately. For one thing, my birthday's in two weeks; for another, I'm on Week Eight in The Artist's Way and one of my tasks is to picture my life in 5 and 10 years' time. This has been the point where I usually quit (tried four times before) because I have a very hard time stating my dreams out loud and actually planning for them. It scares the pants off me, really. But this time I think I'm ready for it. (And there will be much more about all that later.) I have had a couple of wonderful "age mentors" in my life. They have taught me that you can be in your 60's (and your 90's!) and be vibrant, alert, ready for a party or to go biking through Costa Rica. They shake up my ideas about what grandmas can do, or be. So now, knowing that I get incredibly cranky when I'm not at my fullest strength (witness me after my surgery with three babies this year), I've decided to do all I can NOW while I'm still disgustingly healthy to stay that way; to form habits of good eating, clean living, and exercise that will stay with me all my life; to keep my mind and creativity alert and to always be open to learn something new. I plan to be active (probably with long white hair, to boot!) for an awful long time.

#10 and #17 With less than a month left to go, I'm bearing down on my Big 33 List. I'm doing a 5k tonight (walking! I can't run to save my life) and getting my first haircut in three years this weekend. Keep your fingers crossed...

Illustration Friday: Tranquility After the storm comes peace, but you have to make it through the storm first. This song has had a profound effect on me this week. I've been through my storm, and earned my peace.

So busy, I can't sit still. Well, here's another Friday without an illustration to my name. In addition to the usual work/family stuff, I'm now working on having a poster and journal for sale on the site, I'm redsigning a large website, and am in the process of designing 4 CDs. Not to mention doing the Artist's Way and all that involves. So new illos are out until I can finish up all this other stuff. I do have to say that God/the Universe is sending LOADS of opportunities my way, one of which is so exciting I can't talk about it, and I have been welcoming them all with open arms. Bring on the blessings!

Revelations and Blessings Had a fun weekend - on Saturday, we turned in our form for the HP Scavenger Hunt and picked up our copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at the local bookstore. By Sunday morning at 6am, I'd finished it - I was really going to try to stretch this one out and make it last... and somehow, I couldn't do it! On Sunday Snowflake and Lucky came over for lunch, pretty much the first time we've entertained since the twins were born. Petey showed off his newfound abilities by saying Snowflake's name - a truly wonderful thing as mostly his sounds have been limited to "AAAAGH!" and "uh-oh!" And yes, it was absolutely wonderful as well to see them and spend time talking about things that had nothing to do with the kids. In doing The Artist's Way again (on my Big 33 List), I've been surprised this time by having a revelation almost every week, something that never happened to me before. It's dawned on me recently just how truly and deeply blessed I am. Years ago, I gave a talk called "So Blessed" as its theme, but it seems in recent years - with the babies all so little at the same time, the twins' prematurity, the doctors, the recovery, the day to day struggle; the crushing post-partum depression - I didn't feel very blessed at all. I felt burdened. People would pass me struggling to push this mammoth triple stroller on our walks and call out, "God bless you!" and I would shout back, "Thank you! I need it!" But in the past couple of days, I have truly felt again how deeply and strongly God has blessed my life. And then I've also just realized that when people say, "I have no idea how you get so much done, you must be on special vitamins, etc." that God's blessed me in that way too by giving me extra energy and an ability to work hard and get things done quickly. I never gave it much thought before, I just always thought that was just me. But maybe I've been blessed with extra energy because God knew I'd need it to keep up with the kids and be able to do the work that makes me happy and keep everything in balance. In my studio used to be a framed note from a high-school religious education class. It said, "What you are is God's gift to you. What you become is your gift to God." Maybe it's time for me to really start thinking what to do with my gifts.

My boy Petey-Pop...you make my heart go giddy-up Peter's surgery went just great - the actual procedure itself took about 15 minutes. Before surgery, despite getting up at 5:30 in the morning and having nothing to eat since 7 the night before, he was sweet and quiet and charmed the pants off everyone he came in contact with. They let him have his precious duckie at all times and even gave him a puppet to keep, made by volunteers. He was so entranced by the bag it came in that he didn't really care for the puppet, but whatever works.... When the operating room team all said, "Hi, Peter!" he just giggled right back at them. I was able to be with him and hold him as he had anesthesia, and he gave everyone his wonderful sweet Petey smile. Waking up was tough, but not as rough as it seemed to be for Sophie. (We also knew what to expect!) An hour after the procedure, he was back to his cute self. And no, we didn't bring earplugs for the whole recovery room - he never once did the tortured-kitten scream! Could it be that he's giving it up? As soon as we got home, he started playing and had breakfast. Angela and Sophie missed him - Angela especially seemed to be upset by him not being there! So the followup is this - a little Tylenol when he wakes up from his nap, eardrops tonight and tomorrow, and that's it! What a difference from Sophie's experience... and then he'll have a visit with the dr. next week just to check that everything's in place, and then every three months after that. The plan is for the tubes to stay in for about a year, and then fall out on their own. (Anything else can mean more surgery.) Here's hoping that they stay in, do what they're supposed to, and help the boy to HEAR. Thanks for all your prayers. Keep 'em coming! ps ~ I have to add that the nurses said I was the best (meaning calmest) Mom they'd ever seen in the recovery room. I've been there before.... this was nothing! ;)

Petey's surgery is tomorrow morning. Hopefully, these tubes will be the answer we've been looking for, and Peter will be able to hear (and learn to speak) properly. Oh,and if having fluid drain from his ears means he will be more comfortable and give up that kitten-getting-run-over-by-a-steamroller shriek, that would only be the sweetest of icings on the cake. Please send a little prayer our way whenever you can.

for all you commuters... I’ve been starting off every morning painting now. I spent my ”commute time” one rainy morning sitting on the porch with my watercolours, Spackle, the neighbor’s fluffy cat, a big mug of coffee, and a bowl of my homemade granola with peaches, blueberries, kiwi, and raspberries I picked with Angela from our garden. p.s. ~ Anyone want to commute to my house and hang out with me on the porch? Bring your laptop! category | Art

Mindowaskin Park, 8am Last week I posted a question: now that I am not commuting, what will I do with this free time? (I had many great responses, thanks!) So here's what I started... So the first morning - Tuesday - I took a walk in the park and did all the things I can’t do when I have the kids with me – sitting down on a bench, going down paths that DON’T lead to the playground. It was like a mini-vacation all in 30 minutes, I swear! I started out walking fast with my hands jammed in my pockets and ended up just strolling along and touching everything – the moss on the trees, the stones embedded in the bridge over the stream, the funny fluffy flowers that look like something out of Dr. Seuss. My favorite thing I saw was a mama bunny and her baby – I could have held the baby in my hands and his teeny little ears together were no bigger than my thumb. I breathed differently, I walked differently. There was a voice inside my head telling me, "Go ahead. Sit there. Touch that. Now go walk there - slowly - and look around." So I did. And I felt like someone whose glasses were smudged and had gotten so used to not seeing properly, getting those glasses wiped crystal clear and being told, look, look. My heart was so joyful! Since then, I took a brand-new sketchbook and watercolors on my morning jaunts and did some sketches like I did in Italy - although these have a 20-30 minute time limit to them! I will be posting them online as I get them scanned in. (Not bad for 30 minutes, eh?) category | Art

Illustration Friday: Sport We are huge Harry Potter fans at my house. (I know I'm not alone; if I'm the only one who chose to illustrate Quidditch this week, I'll be shocked.) I also found out online there's a movement starting to play Quidditch on bicycles and even one version on unicycles. I'm in! My little town is sponsoring a town-wide Harry Potter Scavenger Hunt, which I've just picked up the forms for today. Stores downtown that are participating have full-colored banners from Hogwarts in their windows, and the aptly named Town Book Store has come up with appropriate questions for each, such as.... "Harry's glasses always seem to break. How many extra pairs does he keep at B. Kubrick Opticians, 100 Central Avenue?" How fun is that?! I have a feeling I will be a common sight downtown, pushing that enormous stroller around the sidewalk and trying to get in all the 27 stores to find out each of the clues. I always did love figuring things out! I could care less about winning anything (although one of the prizes is burgundy and gold yarn and knitting needles from our knitting store, I guess to make a scarf); it's the participation that'll be fun. Hopefully on July 16th I'll be turning in my forms at the book store and picking up our copy of "The Half-Blood Prince." Oh, and house rules: Mama reads the fastest, therefore I get it first. ;) category | Illustration Friday