Thursday, February 09, 2006

one with everything

I've been doing lots of reading lately... and one book that's resonated deeply with me is the Dance of the Dissident Daughter (thank you, Jill!) There will be lots more about this later...

I absolutely loved the parts about being connected to nature, and the whole world, which I suppose is part of why I'm so interested in organic/sustainable living - I have been crying/feeling deeply and passionately about so many things lately, and I would blow it off by thinking, gee, I'm being awfully hormonal today. And now I think, NO! I'm not hormonal: I'm being a woman. I'm feeling and caring that children in NJ need foster homes (a commercial that makes me cry regularly), or that the sun shining through the trees took my breath away on my morning walk, or that a family member or friend is going through a hard time and I would do anything to help them. That's not weakness, to feel so deeply about things like that. That's strength.

I wondered why I've felt such a need to go for a walk every day, even if it was freezing and I did a quick jog around the block with my hands jammed in my pockets and tears streaming down my face from the bitter cold. Why I felt compelled to pick up stones, acorns, leaves - not even pretty ones sometimes! - and carry them around with me or put them on my desk to look at all morning. That's being in touch with myself, and with God, through nature. And I never had a name for that before.

I learned on my last mother's retreat that spending time in nature/noticing it/painting it is a prayer. Taking a walk once a week, or painting once a week, isn't enough for me any more. I have to do it every single day now to fill myself up as a barrier against the stuff I deal with in the rest of my day, or something's lacking. And I love knowing that about myself too. Living that feels right and true to me.

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