In the immortal words of Mr. Joel... You've got to learn to pace yourself.... Pressure You're just like everybody else.... Pressure All your life is Channel 13 Sesame Street What does it mean? ....I'll tell you what it means.... Pressure I need to do some of this and this and listen to this. Oh yeah, not comparing myself to everyone else would help too.

I submitted a list to this site, and now I'm the happy list of the day! {If you read this after today, I'll be archived as March 20th.} You can submit one too — the hardest part was keeping it to just 10. I had to leave off George Gershwin, polar fleece, Nutella, crocuses, and the Muppet Show, for starters. But this is my top 10 list of the moment, not of all time.

Spring arrives tomorrow at 2:16, est. I think Spring should be welcomed in with an armload of daffodils, a windbreaker, a bike ride with a pile of library books strapped to the back, a flowered dress and braided hair. Unfortunately, tomorrow’s supposed to be windy and wet, so no library books for me. However, I may get to help a co-worker go bicycle shopping tomorrow. Seems like a wonderful way to celebrate Spring. linkage: These crazy smileys and many many more are here. {Thanks, "B"!} Look! The new issue of Be Real Magazine is out!

Last night I had a dream that I was working in a garden, by moonlight, planting flowers. Spackle, the cat next door, kept me company and meowed his encouragement.

I did something today I never would have imagined was possible a couple of years ago... I made a Photoshop file that was 355.9 MB big... and it didn't even really slow down my computer. I'm going to see if I can get it to 400MB. Boy, am I easy to impress.

I'm sticking to painting and talking to my inner circle (of 2). There's really no point in talking; everyone's fed up/exhausted/overworked and they have their own life to worry about without me too. Does that negate what I feel? No, but if I try to talk about it and all I hear is a laundry list of how busy everyone else is I just don't see the point. I'm just a statistic, or even worse, I'm turning into some kind of cliché. I hate clichés. Why do I even bother writing about this? Because (a) it's what I feel, and (b) I think it's important to see that incredibly talented, creative, motivated (and modest!) people have slumps and frustrations too. It would be lovely if I had no responsibilities and could spend the whole day in the park with some chalk, or painting, or reading, thoughts just flowing out of my head like a faucet: but that's just not real life. I'd probably also be incredibly boring and wouldn't be able to identify with anyone either. So for now I'll stick to the painting.

Look! Comments! Thanks to Chintan for helping...

Good stuff:

• I saw robins yesterday.
• My Bobs CD came in at Barnes & Noble and I got to finish up my gift certificate.
• A book I've been wanting to read for ages and had just reserved at the library was on sale for $4. Hardcover. So I got it.
• I had a great idea for a book that Paul and I could create.
• I've been painting lots.
• Paul finishes work early today.

I'm the kind of person who looks for synchronicity and relationships everywhere, and so I usually find them because I'm receptive to it. I'll be honest here, I've been going through some stuff that's been really depressing lately, so maybe that's why I'm even more introspective than usual. I'm being innundated with all sorts of messages; like swarms of fireflies lighting up the sky around my head, winking on and off and catching my attention. A few examples from the just past few days:

• The other morning I said a prayer for more patience and opened my prayer book, and that day's reflection was all about trusting in God and having patience. It contained this Chinese proverb: Patience is power. With time and patience, the mulberry leaf becomes silk.
• My mom runs a retreat at her church and I always make a poster for her weekend with the retreat's theme. This year, when I read the quote, I burst out laughing — because their quote is the same as the reading I began my talk with: For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me with you, says the Lord, and I will change your lot.
• On the car radio, I heard a compelling program that was all about suffering and about a getting a different perspective on it — I'm searching madly online for a copy of this great list I heard. I sat for about 5 extra minutes in the car in the driveway, trying to memorize it all.
• This weekend I received the April issue of O Magazine (love it, btw) whose theme this month is Strength. I found this quote: Strength isn't being able to stand up to anything, but being able to crawl on your belly a long, long way until you can stand up again.
• I also got my very first e-newsletter from SARK, where she spoke extensively about "accepting the unacceptable." It's been helpful.
• Interesting thing: my necklace won't come off. It's a gold cross that belonged to my great-grandmother. I put it on early in the week and when I tried to take it off, I found that the little knobby thing that releases the clasp has disappeared completely. There's nothing to catch to open it at all, it's going to take pliers to get this off. For some reason I'm kind of reassured by this and I'm not in a hurry to remove it at all.

Note to self: It's almost chalking season. Locate polar fleece and think hard for quotes. (Yes, that's me.)

My little nephew just told me that he likes the Beatles! Further proof that we are related. I just heard him sing "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds...."

Today, March 6th, is Michelangelo's birthday. He's my favorite artist of all time! Last year on March 6th, I was in Atlanta for business and was able to slip away with my sketchbook and hang out at an art gallery for the morning. Then I came back to the hotel and brought my journal, sketchbook, and "The Artist's Way" to brunch with me and ordered what I considered to be the perfect southern breakfast (and feel free to laugh at me if you want): biscuits and gravy and a big bowl of grits you could stand a spoon up in. I'm really swamped at work today and I have a full load waiting for me when I get home, so I don't know how celebratory I'll be able to get today. Heidi suggested a trip to the gelato place. Hmmmmmmmm....... I will make sure I sneak a little painting time in! linkage: Andiamo, baby! The paintings from my Italy journal. Parts 1 and 2.

Phone conversation with my husband: P: So do you have to do anything tonight? Me: No... just make you dinner. P: No, go do something relaxing instead. Me: Can I paint? P: Just do anything you want to that will help you relax. Me: You don't care if I just sit around on my butt? P: No, do whatever makes you nice and relaxed. (sigh) I love this guy. I spent some quality time this weekend with Weird Al Yankovic; Brad (friend from work) loaned me a tape of hours and hours of AL-TV — the weird equivalent of MTV. One of my favorite videos: "Amish Paradise." When I gave back the tape, I left a thank you note on it that said, "I laughed so hard strawberry jello came out of my nose." It didn't really, but if it did, it would be strawberry.

Another night when I should be going home and cooking. Another night when I'm going to paint instead! I've been squeezing painting times in everywhere: a half-hour here, an hour or more there. And I have been finding amazing things. Drawing with coloured pencils and then erasing them makes them smear and makes for interesting shading touches, especially if there isn't shading anywhere else. I'm reversing my usual techniques: this time I'm doing the coloured pencil first and then the watercolour over it, and then the watercolour doesn't completely adhere to all the waxy places.... I usually paint thickly and now it's more washy and splashy. Orange and purple and dark blue are getting to be close companions. There's no masking fluid, no tape, no preliminary sketches. Just me and the page for a while and whatever I'm feeling at the moment. I've also become very attached to my bed. Not really my bed, I guess, but sleep in general. I love the idea of taking naps, lots of them. I dream of getting all the sleep I need; hours and hours and hours of sleep. Sleep where I wake up refreshed and on my own and not to an alarm clock. Sleep where a sunshiny day greets me and I'm so rested I can't wait to jump put of bed and greet the new day instead of dragging myself around. Sleep when a rainy day meets me and I can snuggle back under the covers cos I don't need to be anywhere. I guess I've sounded pretty darn demanding over the past few posts, but what am I getting all dreamy and longing for? Art and sleep. Basic necessities of life. For me, anyway.

Ohmigosh... I can't believe India Arie didn't get a single Grammy. She was nominated for 7. Her songs are beautiful, original, whimsical, lovely. SO unfair. I know she doesn't get airplay, but I thought that wasn't s'posed to have anything to do with the voting. Not to take anything away from Alicia Keys, but I think India Arie's just better. (sigh) I love her song "Strength, Courage, and Wisdom." She's wonderful. On a side note.... in the synchronicity department.... they're doing the Al Green tribute, and what's the first song that they sing? "Precious Lord, Take My Hand," the song that me and the girls sang a cappella on our retreat. Not a song you hear on tv every day. Neato. Note to self: need to join a gospel choir. Definitely. ps ~ painted lots last night. will paint more now.