Sophie's first Christmas! Christmas for Sophie was mostly paper and ribbons (she loved unwrapping more than the presents themselves) and spending the day in her pj's. Although... her daddy did get her a pony! Stuffed, brown with a white star and mane. She likes to feel how fluffy and soft he is, but still, nobody can take the place of her favorite Lambie. Sophie never made it through the children's mass, so neither did we. We do visit the creche in our dining room every morning, welcome baby Jesus and say thank you, and do all the animal noises for whoever's in the stable. She seems to really enjoy that. There were a hundred things I really wanted to do for Sophie's first Christmas - not out of misguided Martha-Stewartism but because I deeply wanted things to be special for her - but I was too exhausted to do much more than lay on the floor and play with her. Somehow, I think it was special to her just the same. ps ~ I have a wintry screensaver and wallpaper for downloading... you can fetch them here.

Remember what I said on Monday about this Dilbert strip? Multiply that by about 20 today. But then make sure you check out this: people who bought Bert puppets from Ebay, installed rockets inside them, dressed them up, and had a contest to see which went the farthest. I need more of the GOOD zaniness in my life.

Quote of the day: "If you want your child to be brilliant, tell them fairy tales. If you want your child to be very brilliant, tell them even more fairy tales." ~ Albert Einstein

So true it's not even funny. Those of you who are designers, you know what I'm talking about. Here's yesterday's Dilbert, sent to me by my Mom. I also hear from those in the music biz that Spinal Tap gets less funny the longer you're in the business. Thank God we can still laugh at ourselves.

Mr. Picassohead! This is totally cool and fun. Act like Pablo and create your own work of art... then post the link here and share it! Here's mine... now create your own masterpiece. And for goodness' sake, have fun! (via SARK's MMB)

Sophie - looking better than ever. Sophie had a followup visit with the surgeon today and they said she is recovering even better than expected! She now only has to have her ointment put on at night, and no more ice pack, mittens or big plastic eye shield when she sleeps, so she will be sleeping much better. It's a huge relief for all. She still clings to us like crazy and wants her Lambie with her all the time... but who can blame her? She's been through something really traumatic. For some reason, I thought: since she's 9 months old, she won't remember the surgery. Maybe when she's 5 she won't remember it, but for her it was still just a week ago and it's still fresh. Little by little things are getting back to normal and she gets more and more like her usual, sunny self. I think time (and the fact that her teeth seem to have broken through) will go a long way towards making her feel better. I really think a lot about the "Mama Bear" instinct that came to the forefront last week - something inside knew that my daughter needed me and that everything else would just have to wait while I protected her. It's nice to know I can call on that if I need to. Cheerio! Sophie is now eating Cheerios - she ate 10 this morning, and fed them all to herself. We know they weren't still in her chubby little fists since every time she ate one, she applauded - nowhere to hide those O's when you're clapping. She's so darn proud of herself!

We're all feeling better today - Sophie's eye looks better, my cold seems to be not so bad, I don't feel depressed. Everything looks better when you know you're working from home all day and have the delightful prospect of being snowed in with the ones you love most in the world, and some cinnamon buns in the fridge.

The adrenaline I have been pumped full of for the past few days is completely gone, and the exhaustion/cold has rushed in greedily to take its place. I actually said a four-letter word today. Under my breath, several times, and to myself, but I really have to be throwing-myself-in-front-of-a-bus low before anything like that gets past my lips. Not that I'm a saint or anything, but I've never used four-letter words gratuitously - they lose their power that way. I guarantee you that if you told someone who knows me well that I said the F-word today that they would be truly shocked, and know that I was incredibly upset. Probably the last time I said one in public was 1990, New Year's Eve, and everyone in the car with me shut up real fast and paid attention to what I was saying. Right now I don't need attention. I need to multiply myself by three so that two of them can get some sleep for the me left over. Anyone have some spare magic lying around I could use?

Sophie's operation is over, we're okay. Sophie's operation was a success, but they found that her eyelid muscle was severely atrophied and shredded (the doctor's words). It's not great, because we know she is never going to be able to lift that eyelid normally at all. But in a way it's good to know that she was born that way (had nothing to do with the forceps when she was born) and that we tried every avenue before resorting to surgery, and surgery was the only thing that was going to lift her lid up enough so that she can see properly. All the patching in the world wasn't going to do it, and it wasn't a pinched nerve either. She will still need some patching to build the strength in her eye; we'll be finding out how much. Anyway, we know made the right decision. She looks pretty bad right now - her eyelid is purple and swollen and bloody, and wide open. It's going to get much better in the coming weeks, and they warned us about it, but nothing really could prepare us for it. They can't bandage it because it would cover her eye - so we need to put ointment on it and in it about 4 times a day, not to mention making sure she doesn't rub it, bump it, or touch it. She has a plastic shield we can tape over the eye for when she goes to sleep, and we'll be putting clean socks over her hands in case she tries to take off the shield in her sleep. She likes to sleep on her stomach, so tonight is going to be pretty interesting. So far we've let her take all her naps on our laps so we can see what she's doing. The operation took about an hour - from giving her anesthesia to waking her up from it. They brought her to us as soon as she began to wake and it took about 45 minutes to completely wake up. She is one STRONG baby - at one point it took the two of us and two nurses to hold her in my lap and keep her hands away from her eyes. She didn't know where she was or who we were, and frankly, it was quite scary for a bit. I sang for about an hour straight, and somewhere in the middle of my Sesame Street medley she calmed way down and had a bottle. I do want to say in all this - from about yesterday afternoon throughout today - that I have felt an incredible sense of peace. I know it's because of all Sophie's fans praying for her; I guess some of it spilled over to me. Paul says he totally feels like your prayers have helped him too. I really felt that I had nothing to worry about for Sophie's well-being, and my severe cold symptoms and usual pregnancy hunger and tiredness were all suspended for hours and hours so that I could concentrate on Sophie. As soon as they put her in my arms, I knew without a doubt that I could take care of her and comfort her for as long as she needed, and that she would be perfectly fine. (Not to downplay it - this was the most traumatic thing we've all ever been through.) And we really want to thank everyone for your prayers, because they truly have worked miracles today. So now we're home, and we're finding how incredibly difficult it is to do the ointment and the Tylenol and all that - but the AMAZING thing is that she's crawling around on the floor and playing with a huge grin on her face. I would never have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself. She's laughing, she's playing with her toys, she's trying to climb up on everything like usual (with Daddy hovering in the background, ready to catch her). She's even standing up and laughing to herself like Ernie on Sesame Street. She's really not herself yet, it's going to take a while, but it's good to see that grin once in a while. It's going to be a very, very interesting few days (and weeks) while she recovers. It will take 4-6 weeks for all the swelling and bruising to go away, and up to a year to find out what kind of mobility she will have with that eyelid. We also need to wait and see how the eye underneath is doing - before the surgery, her cornea was actually changing shape to adapt to her limited vision. The point of all this surgery was that she would be able to see properly, and we pray that that will be the case. Her eyelid right now is permanently lifted, and she may not be able to close it all the way. I'll take that over having limited vision for her any day. We also have to note: She charmed the entire recovery room - staff and patients - and the nurses even gave us big hugs and kisses when we left and asked us to bring back the twins and Sophie later on so they could see them. Sophie even got a rose to take home! I told them, "If you think this is good, wait till you see her on a normal day!" Not to mention that on top of all this surgery, Sophie has 3 new teeth coming in, bringing her up to a total of 5. Maybe it's good that she gets all this painful stuff out of the way now so that she can concentrate on her first Christmas and turning 1 in February. Okay... that's probably more than you wanted to know, but it gives you a pretty good picture of Sophie right now. Please continue praying for her speedy and complete recovery, and for her parents too. :)

Incredibly thankful For 9 months, Sophie grew under my heart. Yesterday marked 9 months that Sophie has grown up in the world. I could not, in my wildest dreams, have asked for a more amazing, happy, beautiful, clever, sweet, and wonderful daughter. Every day she astounds me and her daddy with something new she's figured out for herself; a new way to play with her toys, an attraction for the ottoman (just the right height to practice standing up on), new sounds to try out. This morning it was figuring out how to open an almost-closed bedroom door and crawl around the hallway. She is our biggest blessing that either of us has ever received, and we thank God every day for the amazing gift that is Sophia Grace. (Blessings 2 and 3 are doing just fine, too.) Tuesday is her surgery (barring any last minute colds) and it has her dad and me up all night, worrying. The important part we have to keep remembering is, she will be able to see properly. That's all I really care about. So you want to see lots and lots of Sophie pictures? We've finally updated her page - so get your Sophie fix right here.

Woo hoo!! The Shop is up and running! Choose from 5 different sets of cards, all in gorgeous full color on glossy stock. All images are my original watercolor and colored pencil paintings, with a brand new, never-seen-before card for 2003! Come check them out!

"Let it Be... Naked" premieres tonight on the radio Okay, I heard most of it already on Q104, and from what I've heard, 'The Long and Winding Road' on its own is already worth the price of the album... it's gorgeous. It's being World Premiered across the country tonight, so get out your tape recorders if you go to bed early like me. ;) So... how pregnant are you? Okay, this is bad... I heard "Butterfly Kisses" on the radio yesterday, a song I abolutely loathe, and it made me cry and cry... all I could think of was of Sophie growing up and dancing with Paul on her wedding day. On my wedding day, my dad and I danced to "Unforgettable" and talked about what we'd be eating once the song was over. Naturally, we sang it to each other... there was no crying and weeping and "you're all grown up now." So the fact that this other song made me lose it is a sure sign of hormonal excess. And 6 more months to go... And what about the cards already? My shipment of envelopes just arrived (the printer forgot to send them) and we've hit a glitch in the online-store-taking-credit-cards department. But it all should be up and running by Monday, God willing. I promise, they're worth the wait!

My Christmas cards arrived from the printer. And they're GORGEOUS!

More about Sophie's surgery Well, we just got back from meeting the surgeon. She's very nice and we feel confident that she'll do a fine job with Sophie. However.... she thought Sophie's case was more serious than we originally thought it was. We've been thinking, "Okay, a little tuck and she'll be perfect," and it's not going to be that simple. They are concerned about Sophie's lack of muscle tone in that eyelid; they also can't determine whether the eye itself can look up all the way. Apparently, the fact that her eyes move left, right, and down together has no bearing on whether they move up together or not. So we'll find out if the eye muscle is also damaged/didn't develop/whatever. It's not something we'd ever thought of - we thought her eye was just fine (and it might be - but we can't tell yet). So here's what we're doing: On Dec. 2, the doctor will perform surgery on Sophie (I HATE saying that!) and will tighten the muscle and her eyelid so that it's open. She may not be able to close it all the way, but we'd rather have her see. She will have dissolving stitches and it will be an outpatient thing - she won't be in the hospital overnight and they want her eye to be uncovered by bandages so that she can work on her vision as soon as possible. We also opted for a procedure where one of us will be in scrubs and will hold Sophie while they administer the anesthesia (gas) - the alternative is that they would give her a medication that would make her really happy and not care what they're doing (so they could give her gas), also it would give her a temporary memory loss. But we feel like (a) she's not going to remember any of this anyway and (b) we don't want to give her two medications when she only really needs one, so we're not doing going that route. There is a very strong possibility that she will need another surgery when she's 2 or 3. The next step is to make a sling that holds up her eyelid and attaches underneath her forehead - she would open her eyes further by lifting her eyebrows. (This is all under the skin, nobody would see anything.) The second part of it is that some doctors like to do the same procedure on the good eyelid so they match. Our doctor feels (and we heartily agree) that nobody should mess with a good eye. But there is a possibility that she may need the sling procedure when she's older, if this first surgery doesn't do what we hope it will. That's the latest... you now now everything we do. We promise we'll keep you posted. Please, please, please, start praying like crazy. This all may sound like we're really calm, but we're pretty upset. The only one who doesn't really seem to care yet is Sophie, who flirted madly with everyone in the waiting room and charmed them all. (Naturally!)

No respect! Sophie's new word is Dada. Forget the fact that she said Mama first, all she wants to say now is Dada. An example of a typical conversation: E: Sophie, can you say Mama? S: Dada. E: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmama! S: Dadadadadadadada! E: Sophie, who carried you for 9 months and then gave birth to you after 5 hours of hard labor? S: Dada! E: (thinking)..... Sophie, who loves your Mama more than anyone in the whole world? S: Goooblurzrbrtzzzzzzzzzz! I can't win. String Theory: Make sure you don't miss this: The Elegant Universe on PBS tonight. "Eleven dimensions, parallel universes, and a world made out of strings. It's not science fiction, it's string theory." Absolutely fascinating even if you know zip about physics like me. I love PBS! And the rest: Thanks for all the comments and well-wishes. I have truly been feeling like garbage lately and the warm feelings really help cheer me up. We hope to have pictures to post soon! The cards are being printed and should arrive by the end of next week - which means I have to get my form up and working. If I can do all this when I'm nauseous and exhausted... imagine what I could accomplish when I'm back to normal?

Double the fun. Here's my other news.... we found out we are having twins. Yes, TWINS. And now to answer the top ten questions we get from everyone (following the five seconds of stunned silence that usually comes with our news): 1. No, we’re not kidding. Really. 2. Yes, we were surprised! We figured we were expecting, but nobody was expecting that. 3. Yes, it does run in the family. 4. No, their names will not rhyme and we will not dress them alike. 5. May 8th, 2004, but twins can come up to a month ahead of the due date. We’re at 12 weeks now. 6. No, we’re not going to find out the sexes till they’re born. 7. The verdict is that they’re not identical, but there’s no surefire way to tell until after they’re born. They each have their own food source and sac (just like a single baby) and that’s the healthiest situation, so we’re really happy about that. They’re A and B on the ultrasounds. 8. Since Sophie was the Cinnabun, they’re the Muffins for right now. 9. Yes, we’re very excited! 10. Yes, we are a little overwhelmed and could use all the prayers and help we can get. And nobody better say "I knew it!" ... you might of known half of it, but nobody could have gotten this kind of thing. ;)

Welcome to the world, little Beatrice Milly. Now go ask your daddy to write you some lullabies and put out an album, please.

Sophie needs eye surgery. We just got back from Sophie's checkup at the eye doctor's and the verdict is that she needs surgery before she's a year old - that gives us just 4 months to work with. (For those who might not remember, Sophie has a ptosis - the muscle that opens her right eyelid never developed, and she has a difficult time seeing out of her right eye.) Paul and I had discussed earlier that if she needed the surgery we wanted it done during the summer, but it looks like the decision's being made for us. It's not that her eyesight is so horrible, it's just that the patch isn't doing as good of a job as it should for her, and rather than make her go in a cycle of increasing and decreasing patch times, the doctor felt it would be best to take care of her eyelid as soon as possible. We can't say we're all that surprised. We have the names of two cosmetic surgeons to check out - we have to see who's in our group and who's available - and meet them and set up a date for her surgery. The good thing is that it's an outpatient surgery, they aren't going to touch her eye (just her eyelid), and our doctor says that many kids are up and playing that afternoon after surgery. There's even a possibility they will let one of us in the operating room with her. So - please keep us in your prayers to find the right doctor and the right solution for Sophie. It seems like God's putting an awful lot on our plates right now, but somehow we'll get through it. :) I'll finish with some good Sophie news - Sophie just turned 8 months old this weekend; she says "Mama" and "Daddy" (in general, although she has called us Mama and Dada a few times to our faces); if you say "boing" to her she bounces up and down; she crawls all over the place; and she just started clapping her hands, she applauds herself for everything - finishing her lunch, getting her diaper changed, when you sing her a song - she claps for it all! I also have some more news to share - but that's going to have to wait for another day... this is about all I can handle for now.

The Saga Continues ~ or ~ AAaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh! Wednesday I got the proofs for the cards back - and found that 3 of the cards had off-color backgrounds. My fault, but I had printed these images 7,000 times already, so I didn't see the problem on any of my proofs. So tonight I fixed the files to the best of my ability and reposted them. Hopefully, this will do the trick. I have to admit, when I saw the proofs, I cried. I also found out that it was cost-prohibitive to print 5 rather that the 4 I had originally been quoted - but I the decision of which one to drop was made for me with an innocent question from Paul: "Did you ever find out if the Little Drummer Boy is in the public domain?" Naturally, I thought it was, and naturally, I now can't find verification of that fact anywhere. (And believe me, we have manymanymany piano books in our house, and not one of them has the information.) So it's a really good thing I painted a new one this year; I'll still have four. (Still investigating the Drummer Boy fact for the next printing.) Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting against the tide, and every step I take drags me two steps back. I can't stop trying, though.

I DID IT!!!!! I DID IT!!!!! I DID IT!!!!! - I put the package in the FedEx box - I placed an order online - I spent money on my credit card - this is the real deal! - Proofs should come in a week and the cards should ship a week after that! Now... where am I going to put 2,000 Christmas cards?