Another night when I should be going home and cooking. Another night when I'm going to paint instead! I've been squeezing painting times in everywhere: a half-hour here, an hour or more there. And I have been finding amazing things. Drawing with coloured pencils and then erasing them makes them smear and makes for interesting shading touches, especially if there isn't shading anywhere else. I'm reversing my usual techniques: this time I'm doing the coloured pencil first and then the watercolour over it, and then the watercolour doesn't completely adhere to all the waxy places.... I usually paint thickly and now it's more washy and splashy. Orange and purple and dark blue are getting to be close companions. There's no masking fluid, no tape, no preliminary sketches. Just me and the page for a while and whatever I'm feeling at the moment. I've also become very attached to my bed. Not really my bed, I guess, but sleep in general. I love the idea of taking naps, lots of them. I dream of getting all the sleep I need; hours and hours and hours of sleep. Sleep where I wake up refreshed and on my own and not to an alarm clock. Sleep where a sunshiny day greets me and I'm so rested I can't wait to jump put of bed and greet the new day instead of dragging myself around. Sleep when a rainy day meets me and I can snuggle back under the covers cos I don't need to be anywhere. I guess I've sounded pretty darn demanding over the past few posts, but what am I getting all dreamy and longing for? Art and sleep. Basic necessities of life. For me, anyway.

Ohmigosh... I can't believe India Arie didn't get a single Grammy. She was nominated for 7. Her songs are beautiful, original, whimsical, lovely. SO unfair. I know she doesn't get airplay, but I thought that wasn't s'posed to have anything to do with the voting. Not to take anything away from Alicia Keys, but I think India Arie's just better. (sigh) I love her song "Strength, Courage, and Wisdom." She's wonderful. On a side note.... in the synchronicity department.... they're doing the Al Green tribute, and what's the first song that they sing? "Precious Lord, Take My Hand," the song that me and the girls sang a cappella on our retreat. Not a song you hear on tv every day. Neato. Note to self: need to join a gospel choir. Definitely. ps ~ painted lots last night. will paint more now.

On the way home from work today I popped in a tape of Paul McCartney/Beatle-related stuff. Halfway home, I heard the melodious tones of Yoko Ono singing "We Are All Water" and I just burst out laughing. My Beatle-buddy Craig had put it on the tape and I forgot all about it. To set this up.... I think this song is from the "Sometime in New York City" concert. John Lennon is playing away, and then he says, "And now Yoko is gonna do her thing." There's a burlap bag on stage that she has been sitting in for the whole concert so far, and she pops out of it to sing this song complete with saxaphone solos and monkey-wailing. I love it. That song never fails to make me giggle. A sample of lyrics: There may be not much difference Between Chairmon Mao and Richard Nixon If we strip them naked. We are all water from different rivers That’s why it’s so easy to to meet We are all water in this vast, vast ocean Someday we’ll evaporate together. Way back in the past, Craig and I had this great plan to dress up as John and Yoko and get our picture taken: "John and Yoko visit Trenton State College." Alas, now John and Yoko will have to visit the College of New Jeresy. I'm ready... all I need are the white boots. I must be able to get a hold of those somehow...

Somehow, the 60-degree weather has done a job on lifting my spirits. It's either that or the fact I am wearing one of my favorite outfits of all time today, fitting for today's Spring-like qualities: green overalls, pale green shirt with green and white flowers embroidered across the top (God, I love Target), hiking boots, and bright, Kermit-green enamel barettes. So much for style....! I've recently decided with my hubby that we are spinning our wheels, waiting for things to happen. Waiting for the house to get done, waiting for the weather to get nicer, waiting till we're not so tired, waiting till the end of the school year. No more waiting. I think the last thing I painted was our Christmas card, and that makes me pretty depressed since I'm s'posed to be an ARTIST, after all, last time I checked. I have all these ideas in my head of things I want to paint; things that I don't care if they're any kind of good or even if anyone sees them at all. They just need to get out of my brain and onto the paper. I want to drip watercolour everywhere in big puddles. I want to get messy and paint until it's late at night and I look up and am astonished at the time. I want to have to keep checking that I don't mistake my Earl Grey for the water jar and dip my brush in it. I want to constantly be peeling dried paint and rubbing marker stains from my fingers all the time like I did in college. I want to not think about resolution, dpi, image tags, saving my work... I want a world where there is no undo command and I will have to learn to love my happy accidents and take it from there. Is that so damn much to ask?

My mom said to me today, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." I think God is laughing it up big time right now.

Okay, I take a lot of online quizzes, I admit. But this one looked a lot like the Luscher test I took way back in Color Theory 101, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. This is the first paragraph of my answer... and it stunned me. It would appear that at this particular time of your life you are going through a tough time. You are feeling (or have recently felt) miserable and depressed and perhaps you are still feeling that way. Maybe all the trials and tribulations just aren't worth it ... Your present anxieties could have been associated with either your "private" or "business" life - whatever ... What you really need at this time is to get away from it all, maybe a vacation .. alone, or better still, perhaps with someone that you know really cares for you,...someone who appreciates you - not for what you have but for who you are. A short vacation may be all you need to afford you the time to recover and to get back to your normal vital self. Italy could be a short vacation....

Okay...they apologized (very nicely, too). And most importantly, they took all my stuff off their site. Good. The marvelous Alex sent me to these great links: Help, someone stole my site! What is Copyright (which, incidentally, I have right on my Sausage Links page.)

I'm mad. Sorta mad, sorta bewildered. This crummy website took my homepage and used it as an endorsement of their company. They didn't ask my permission. I'm not a client of theirs. I don't even live in Australia. I found out by using my site tracker, otherwise they would have gone on unnoticed. Blecch. I hate when people do crummy things like this. I already complained and did the "how-dare-you-and-how-fast-are-you-gonna-take-that-off-your-home-page" letter. We'll see if it does any good. Arrrgghhh.

I am ERNIE. Everyone loves to hang out with me. Which Sesame Street Character Are You? Okay, so tell me something I didn't know. I thought I was Ernie because I'm messy, have black hair, and have a thing for horizontal stripes and bubble baths. (Yes, I have a rubber duckie too.) I have been known to dance around in my pajamas. I've even had a hankering for some red sneakers recently. 10-Q, 10-Q, 10-Q. You're welcome.

I had a fun weekend at my parents'. It was like a big sleepover.... We watched movies, ate donuts, made pizza, and Mom taught me how to knit. (Not like I'm an expert....but I'm learning.) I've decided that I need an overhaul of some sort. Or at least a haircut. Or some kind of fashion style. Or something. I'm not cutting my hair short or anything drastic, but I do need a style or something. Okay, not a style....MY style. Maybe it's Spring in the air (ha! I think the groundhog is WRONG and we're going to get Spring sooner rather than later) that's making me want to go for more walks/runs and wear dresses more. I have at least formed my first fashion rule: 1. Never wear clothes that don't fit you. I just turned down free, new-to-me clothes, because they made me look like an opera singer. I used to wear anything because it was free, or I liked the color, or it was soft, and then I'd pass myself in the mirror and think how huge I looked (if I thought about it at all). No more. My fashion rules before this were, "The best clothes are someone else's" (I have a sweater of my brother's from like, 7th grade) and "It's fine to wear the same things in your hair as a 5-year-old." I still believe in these two, I just need to modify them. A little. linkage: Play dressup to your heart's content here and try out clothes on a model shaped just like you. This is so darn cool. Dress up french toast girl I swear I'm going to make this skirt, as soon as I find a good pillowcase. And then I'll post pictures.

I've registered at the online Chocolate Registry... so anyone who wants to can look me up under "French Toast Girl" (should you be in a chocolate-gifting mood....). Yesterday I had lunch with two of the Wild Women, Gina and Angela (hi guys!) and Gina had made me a homemade valentine, with a pink bag all done up with tissue paper and chocolates — and a jar of Nutella! A woman after my own heart!

Yahoo! It's Valentine's Day, one of my favorite days of the year. There's a new Valentine, Valentines from years past, and my thoughts on Valentine's Day in general here at www.frenchtoastgirl.com.

Hee hee hee... Make your own Valentine candy here.

Are those judges crazy?! The Canadians SO totally deserved the Gold.

I got some very sad news today. My friend Bar's son died this weekend. He was 2. His name was Forrest. If you read some of Bar's letters, you will see how amazing her strength and faith were, and how much she and her husband learned from Forrest in his short life. They will need that strength and faith more than ever now. Please keep them in your prayers.

My retreat was fantastic. My talk could not have gone better. Before my talk started, a few women took me into a side room and prayed over me. I felt so much calmer and ready to do anything... and then I gave my talk and it was great! Afterwards, I could have run around the outside of the building 4 or 5 times.... I had that much energy. The best part is that since I was first, I could relax then and enjoy and help out for the rest of the retreat. Also, there was MUCH chalking going on this weekend... we covered a whole sidewalk and spilled over into the parking lot. I can't wait until the pictures get developed!

Update: Lodged an abuse complaint and it's being investigated. In the course of fixing the site and making sure this doesn't happen again, it may be down for a day. Don't worry.... it doesn't necessarily mean the baddies have gotten in again.

I was doing okay until last night around 11:30 when I found my website had been hacked. (Either that, or my hosting company decided to remove most of the files and not tell me!) I was able to replace 99% of it, but a lot of the links to the graphics are screwed up and not working right, and I THOUGHT I lost my journal. (I am backing that up with a vengeance right now). I'm trying really hard to get it all back, but I just don't have time for this right now. (Last night I was really, really upset. This morning... I figure it could have been worse and I'm pretty good about backing up, I just don't have time to look through the whole site and figure out why a graphic that's there isn't showing up.) Anyway, all of that has absolutely nothing to do with my retreat, it's just another (BIG) distraction. This morning on Sesame Street, Ray Romano and Grover taught the concept of "frustrated." It fit pretty well. On the other hand, I did have Paul there, offering his Snoopy comic books last night, and playing me funny MP3s this morning to make me laugh. (We now have the skit where Cookie Monster goes to to the library to get a box of cookies. After the frustrated librarian explains for the 97th time that there are no cookies, only books, Cookie Monster exclaims, "OH! Me get it now. Me want BOOK about cookies... and glass of milk.")

I had to call my own answering machine {or answerphone, if you're British} and listen to my own voice relaying a long message about repairs to my car. I wasn't expecting it and it made me listen almost as if I were some impersonal third party. It was very odd. I sounded like I have a cold, which I maybe do. I sounded a little weary and tired, even though what I was saying was cheerful. I didn't sound like I always think I sound; in my head I always picture myself vocally as being some witty lass from channel 13 or NPR being breezy and cheery. Don't ask me why. Once upon a long ago I found a tape of myself from college, talking off the cuff, which I must have sent to someone. I listened to it, facsinated. I sounded fun, exciting, cheerful. I giggled. I wanted to know and befriend that girl on the tape. I couldn't believe that was me. Now, caught on tape again, I want to buy that tape-girl of today a mug of hot chocolate and take her out for some Thai food and listen to her problems. linkage: just in case you were going to send me this, I already have it, thanks: 'Sesame Street' gets big repaving {thanks to Mary and Tough Pigs and Muppet Central... the source for insider Muppet news.} Frank Oz pilots ABC comedy {thanks, Heidi}

Another life lesson. I'm doing a retreat. It's this weekend. I am giving a talk on Renewal. I have also helped with artwork, emailing files hither and yon, music, singing, making CDs, writing, you name it. I have been feeling a little (!) on the stressed side, trying to get all this stuff done for Friday night. Yesterday morning, I listened to the radio while I was eating breakfast, and heard a mini-sermon on how sometimes you think you're doing God's work, but you may be focusing on all the wrong stuff. And then it hit me — God definitely does not want me to be getting stressed about making 80 CDs by Thursday. He wants me to be relaxing in a bubble bath, thinking about my talk and resting. After I had this thought, I got a call that someone had volunteered to burn ALL the CDs for us, and to give him as many as we needed. If that wasn't an answered prayer, I don't know what is. The point of this weekend isn't the music, the themed T-shirts, the food — it's about letting God into your life. I got caught up in all the trappings of making the weekend special, and was in real danger of forgetting what really made the weekend special for me when I went on it a year ago. So, boys and girls, if you're the praying sort, please say a prayer for me giving my talk on Friday night. Good thoughts/vibes/wishes gratefully accepted too. Thanks.

Wanted to blog this weekend, but the cable was down AGAIN. Actually, I needed to do a bunch of stuff online this weekend, but 'twas not to be. Blah. Thank God for the connection at work. It's PRI movie night tonight: we're watching this movie.... ps ~ since Saturday, it's been 6 years since my husband proposed to me. I love happy endings.

Something very strange is happening. I am really liking some new music out there, that's played on the radio. This is kind of scaring me, because although I pretty much love all music, I generally am not crazy about the boy bands/teenage girls that dress sexier than me.... and yet, I'm digging it. Go figure. On my favorite list right now of singalong/car dancing tracks:

Can’t Get You Out of My Head :: Kylie Minogue {great and reminds me of "Love Fool" by the Cardigans}

What About Us? :: Brandy {cool song, it's just got so much studio production on it that I could even be singing it and it would be a hit}

Butterflies :: Michael Jackson {okay, I listened to him back in the day, so this probably doesn't count. I liked "You Rock My World" too.}

Whenever, Wherever :: Shakira

Gone :: *NSYNC {this completely blows my mind that I like something from a boy band... and although I think they use the phrase "baby girl" too frequently, I'm sure that the 9-year-olds who dig them are loving it}

I think I need to listen to some Beatles and James Brown to restore my equilibrium....