The Michelangelo Project! Happy birthday to my favorite artist, and a creative genius to boot! So far, we're still planning our creative endeavours at our house, so I'm posting my journal/sketchbook page from March 6, 2001. I was at a conference in Georgia and was drawing at breakfast, reading The Artists' Way. I followed it up with a trip to an art museum. (Click the picture to launch the image, it's big.) On the agenda for today: watching "Don't Eat the Pictures" with Sophie (the cast of Sesame Street goes to the Metropolitan Museum of Art), making homemade granola, and working on the first set of illustrations for Spirits Unwrapped. I'll post more later.... what creative things have you been up to? Leave a comment!

The Michelangelo Project March 6th is Michelangelo's birthday! To celebrate the birthday of one of the world's most inspiring artists, I invite you to participate in this project. What you do: 1. Do something creative this Sunday, March 6th. It can be something you love to do, something you've forgotten how to do, something you've never done and always secretly wanted to try. Here's your excuse! Some ideas are: - paint/draw/collage - sculpt (like the master) - write a poem, a short story - take a photo - visit a museum or art gallery - sew - cook something exciting you've never made before - see an art film, foreign film, or movie about an artist 2. Come back here and share your experience! Post a link to your creation, write about your trip or creative process - share your creative story with others. How creative can we get? (There will be a special post Sunday for you to post to.) 3. Link back with the above graphic if you've written about it on your site. 4. Have fun, for goodness' sake! This is not about being perfect or creating the best piece of art. It's about embracing your creative side in whatever form it happens to take. I'll be back to share my experience on Sunday... can't wait to hear your stories!

Illustration Friday: Jazz Certain kinds of jazz remind me of flying. I really enjoy Vince Guaraldi (the Charlie Brown music guy). Makes me want to dance, especially when I hear "Linus and Lucy", the ultimate dance song. This snippet of sheet music is from "Cast Your Fate to the Wind," a popular piano solo at my husband's studio. This past year I've done a good amount of casting my fate to the wind and just letting go, because the amount of control I've had over my life has been minimal, at best. It's been a whirlwind of a year, and I'm looking forward to a little settling down, some peace and quiet. And all that jazz. ps ~ Brand new: Click to learn how you can participate.

Happy Birthday, Peter Joseph and Angela Faith Dear ones, It's amazing to me that you both are ONE YEAR OLD today. Your daddy and I freely admit that we have no idea why you both came the way you did; why God decided you needed to come so soon after Sophie was born, and why you were born two months early. We think that there's a special reason why you're here, and we may never know what it will be. And that's okay with us. We're just glad you're here. Peter, you are such a special little boy. I love the way you army crawl, on your elbows, and you are the fastest thing around. I love how you crow when you do something you're especially proud of, which usually means I need to run and investigate! I love that 4-toothed grin of delight when you pull yourself up on the furniture. You'll be walking any day now, and I'll love that too. You are the dramatic one, the one who goes from exhilarated to meltdown in 3 minutes, but daddy and I are on to you! And you still do the tortured kitten scream... I may actually miss when you give that one up. ;) Angela, my littlest muffin... I love your cuddliness SO much. I think you're still making up for lost time when you were in the hospital a month longer than Peter, and we were all home without you; I love that you want to be held and snuggled like crazy. I love how you do that perfect textbook crawl, slowly, while you stop every few steps to look around and see if there's something interesting you want to grab. I love your wookie noises - you sound just like Chewbacca and it's the cutest thing ever. And the talking! When you and Peter babble to each other and then laugh, I know you're sharing something really funny together. And I love that you have each other. I love you, my precious muffins. Your presence here is even more blessed and cherished because of the incredible circumstances of your birth. If you'd been born even 10 years ago, you might not have made it, and that makes me look at you every day in wonder. You're so strong and healthy too! You two are miracles, and you are a gift to me and daddy. We love you so much. loving you always, your mama pictures from the big birthday party one year ago: some of their early photos

Birthday puppets! These three charmers were made for Sophie, Peter, and Angela's birthdays. Handmade from chenille socks, felt, polar fleece, and very thin foam rubber - because your first puppet should be very special, and above all, baby-proof. :) Sophie's already fed her monkey (plastic) bananas. So what do you need to make these guys for yourself? Socks, thin foam (get at your craft store), and lots and lots of patience. I also can't recommend the book "Puppet Mania" enough (by Henson alum John Kennedy) for showing a straightforward and simple explanation to making a sock puppet cool. His instructions call for glue; I sewed and stitched and reinforced like crazy since I knew they'd get chewed on. And of course, I played with them a lot! Making the arms floppy and long makes for great gestures; a little flip of the hand makes those arms flail around like crazy. Making these puppets for me was especially poignant because I hadn't made any puppets for years. In the past, I'd taken classes and even auditioned (and got in) for a pilot for a new cable tv show with puppets. The pilot sadly never got made, and I hung my dreams of working with the Henson company up on the shelf and got a real job. I hoped that I'd be able to make the switch someday when I was ready. Then I fell in love, got married, had kids - and I literally couldn't make puppets for a very long time; because there was no inbetween for me - it was either travel the world as a puppeteer or nothing. And one day it occurred to me that it was the joy of making puppets, and operating them, that was what was vital to me. I could do it in my living room with my kids. I could someday start a troupe and do a show now and again at the local library. It could be fun, it could be art, and it could be on my terms. Sounds really stupid, to allow your own self to keep you away from something you loved so vitally, but there it is. So now we have new puppets to play with, and I can't wait to make some more. For me. As a contribution for February's Month of Softies Alice-In-Wonderland-themed project, these characters strike a pose as the three gardeners painting flowers to appease the mad Queen.

Happy Birthday, Sophia Grace (with party pics ) Dear Sophie, You turned 2 years old today, and I couldn't be happier or prouder to be your mama. You've had quite an exciting life so far; breaking in a first-time mama and daddy, having surgery at 10 months, and getting twin siblings when you were one. You took it all in stride. You constantly amaze me with your astonishing vocabulary, your boundless capacity for love, your enthusiasm for all things Muppety (hmmm, where did you get that from?). I love that you think the Beatles are the Tweedle-Beetles from the Fox in Socks book and sing their songs. I love that you're crazy about books and try to spell the words you see around you. I love that you called out, "Sophie is a good little monkey!" in church. I love that you get so excited when Grandpa comes over that you invented a Salad Dance (and song) that you have to do every week when you eat his salad. I have days where I just look at you in wonder and know that you are entirely your own person, sent from God to be in our care. All I can do is take the best care of you I can and love you with all my heart. You are a miracle, the one who makes me laugh each and every day. I love you so very very much. All my love forever, your Mama

Illustration Friday: Sorrow The magpie is a most illustrious bird Dwells in a diamond tree One brings sorrow and one brings joy Sorrow and joy for me I saw the gentle Magpie bird in the dusky yestereve one brings sorrow and one brings joy sorrow and joy for me.... sorrow and joy for me.... Painted this with Sophie yesterday in about 15 minutes, using watercolour pencils, a pen, and occasionally dipping into her little tray of watercolour pans to grab that awesome teal color. Sophie did her thing, I did mine, and we all listened to this favorite album (which the above lyric comes from.) I'm really cheating, in a way, because although I wanted to paint something new this week, I had a perfect "Sorrow" painting from my self-appointed art therapy sessions this summer. But I'm too chicken to show it. And I guess the main reason I don't want to show it yet is for the best reason... ...because I don't feel sorrowful anymore.

Snowglobe favors for the big all-inclusive I'm Not Sure Why You All Wanted To Be Born Within A Week Of Each Other But You Were Anyway So Let's Celebrate Birthday Party. Sophie will be 2, Peter and Angela will be 1. All within 5 days of each other. If that's not reason for celebration, I don't know what is. The down-and-dirty easy way to make snowglobes:

Get a baby food jar. Come to our house if you don't have one, we have 7 million of them.

Spray-paint the jar lids if you don't like them saying "Gerber Organics" on the side.

Go to your local craft store and get yourself some little plastic animals.

With waterproof glue (I used Goop), attach your little friend to the bottom of the jar. Throw some glitter on there if you don't want anyone to see the blob of glue. Mine all came out sort of short, and they're just peering over the lid. If I was doing it again, I'd build the glue up to make a little mountain.

After the glue is completely dry (I gave it a few days), fill the jars with COLD water and glitter and screw the lid on. If you want more glitter or water, do it now.

When you like it, close that lid as tight as humanly possible.

Hot-glue the outside of the jar shut. Glue on the inside means the lid won't close properly. Unless you have some very liquidy glue that you can still get a good seal with while you close the jar, this is the way that worked for us.

Cover the line of glue with a ribbon and knot.

Print out hearts or whatever tags you want, punch with hole punch, and tie ribbon again.

Ta-dah! You're done! I strongly suggest storing them lid-side-up, and tell the people taking them home to do the same... I'm still not 100% convinced they're watertight but I did my best.

Projects. Process. Progress. So as a number of people wanted to know, "just how in the world does she do this?" I figured I'd periodically do a brain dump and explain to the best of my ability, how it is I do what I do. Currently, I have these projects on board:

Illustrating Spirit House (completed last week)

Illustrating Spirits Unwrapped, cool fiction collection

Making three puppets for the kids (Sophie is 2/26; Petey and Angela are 3/3 and their big birthday shindig is this weekend)

Making snowglobe party favors for said party

Overhaul and redesign of Paul's site in time for spring recitals

New prints/items in my store

Possible site redesign for me to focus more on illustration

Knit kitty cat hat for nephew Jude (done)

Wedding present for Snowflake (and HA! I'm not going to describe it, S., you and Lucky will have to wait till you see it, hee hee hee)

All of these items need to be completed before MAY. The way that I'm doing it is mainly by doing two things: 1. I keep lists of every single little thing that I can think of that needs to be done for the project. I do this on my Handspring, but you could do it on a calendar or piece of paper or whatever. I assign dates for everything. That way, I don't spend all my time now working on Paul's site, because I know I'm not starting on that until the end of March. I concentrate on the things that need to get done this week. SARK calls these teeny little lists "micromovements" and I've also heard them called "baby steps." But this way when I have only 5 minutes to spare, I don't waste my time wondering what to work on; I have a list right there of what needs doing. And it also serves to not stress me out, because I've spread out tasks over a length of time and I'm not going to wake up one morning and go, "AAAAAAAGH! I need to have 4 illustrations and a cover done tomorrow!" I'm on top of it all. 2. I never turn off the creative flow. I read a wonderful quote on the Illustration Friday forums: joe, the novelist, tells how he doesn't suffer from writer's block. growing up, joe's dad, the mason, would come from the quarry and joe would rub his shoulders and make him dinner. never once did joe's dad come hime and say, "well, joe, today i just couldn't do it - i couldn't cut the stone, because i had a bad case of cutter's block." joe understood that it was his dad's job to cut the stone, and when joe sits down to work on his writing, he knows that his job is to write. so he writes. I make the most of every single second I have. The instant I put the kiddies down for a nap, or to bed for the night, I start working on my art. If I'm in a full-on, painting mood, I work on that. If I'm listening with one ear for someone to wake up and I know I don't have much time, I do research for my illustrations, call printers to see who has a large-format scanner, scan in and clean up artwork, or exchange emails with other artists. At night, when I know I have a few hours, I'm all prepared to draw because I already did the research I needed. And when I'm too tired to draw and I'm afraid I'll mess things up, I knit or work on those scans again. And I'm very happy with the work I've been doing - I feel proud of it because it's well-researched, well-thought out, well-executed. It doesn't tire me out; it exhilarates me. Of course there's more to it than this, but that's all I have time for now... the puppets are calling me and I need to do some sewing. :)

Illustration Friday: Flight Because some days the only way to get anywhere is to gather up the pieces and try again.

I have a lot of projects in the works right now. So here's my question for today: Do you want to hear about projects as they're in progress so that you can hear about the work/creative process? Or do you want to be surprised and just see the finished project? Or could you really care less about it all? :)

Spirit House. (fantastic news, part two) I'm super-excited to be a part of the new upcoming anthology, Spirit House. All proceeds from the sales of the books go to tsunami victims. Illustrations by me, lots of good stuff from a dedicated group of writers, including this talented guy. If you missed out on the artwork auction in January, you can still help out and get a little art as well. You can learn more or order a copy here. The graphic above is a linkback icon, should you feel so inclined, please feel free to post it and spread the love! Just right-click and save, and link to http://spirithouse.5u.com.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Fantastic news, part one. I've been featured in the April issue of the national art magazine, Artist's Sketchbook ! I've known about it since October, but had no idea when it would actually be in. It's in the Inspirations column, a nice place to be. Believe it or not, there are several other bits of exciting news coming... this is just the beginning. Special thanks to 'Toine who found it almost as it hit the newsstands.

Ash Wednesday is in 2 days. Since I feel like all of 2004 was my own personal Lent, I'm looking for suggestions on what to do this Lenten season that are more meaningful than giving up donuts. Thoughts? +++++++++ Thanks for all the suggestions - I've decided use a great book I have called Vision 2000: Praying the Scripture in a Contemporary Way, (the site) and do a reading/meditation from it each day. I try to light a candle and sit in as much silence as I can get when I do it. I figure for everything God gave me in my life, it's pretty sad if I can't give him 10 minutes, no matter how busy my day is. And I also love Journey to the Cross, thanks for the suggestion, Rich!

Illustration Friday: Friendship (starring Sophie and Lambie) "What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?" "Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." ~ from The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams. But you already knew that. Note: Another from the Elena archives; I apologize, but I have really exciting projects I'm right in the middle of and this week I couldn't do a new illo, though I really wanted to. I have been blessed with some of the truest and most wonderful friends a girl could ever hope to have, and I will write more about them later (and illustrate, too, I hope). And I will also share some great news soon. (And NO, it's not a baby!)

Our love will shine on forever.* My husband Paul has quite a romantic soul. Our engagement, 9 years ago today, still makes me weak-kneed to remember... It was a Friday night in February; and I thought we were going to his mom’s for dinner. It wasn’t until we arrived at our church instead that I realized something unusual was going to happen that night. He unlocked the doors of the darkened church, and led me down the aisle to the first pew where we first met when we both joined the choir. Arranged in front of the church were his guitar and a music stand. He serenaded me with a song he had written specifically for us, just for that night. On the music stand were the words of the song, matted and in a beautiful frame. When the song was finished, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him! I was so overcome, I said, "Sure!" instead of Yes, a fact I get teased about to this day. (I did eventually say yes!) He then said we weren’t done yet – we had to return the keys to the church to a priest who was a very good friend of ours. He gave us a special blessing that night, and was the one who married us a year later. And then, there in the parking lot, Paul said, "There’s more…" I didn’t think I could take any more! We were off to a B&B by the shore, driving through a snowstorm to get there. I’ll never forget the look on the owners’ faces when they threw open the door and shouted, "She said yes! Congratulations!" We were all snowy and freezing and in love and everyone was just as starry-eyed for us as we were. And yet, even after that tremendous engagement, I can honestly say it’s only gotten better and better. Nine years later, we have the twins and Sophie, and my definition of romance has expanded to encompass all sorts of things. In past weekends, Paul did 9 loads of laundry (including mine!), folded and put them all away, watched the kids so I could nap, made dinner, and then encouraged me to have time to do artwork in the evening. And I find that incredibly romantic. *from the song Paul wrote and serenaded me with on our engagement

Just plain funny. What's making me laugh today: the Six Patron Saints of Graphic Design (I need to light a candle to St. Concepta) and ze frank's Communications #1 guide to the hidden language of punctuation. Good stuff.

Illustration Friday: Gluttony I am probably in the minority, but I really dislike amusement parks. All I can think of when I see commercials for Disneyworld/land/Six Flags/whatever is that there are millions of people starving in the world, and what the world doesn't need is one more rollercoaster or another person dressed up as a cartoon character who can't talk, but waves its hands around and pretends to giggle by putting its gloved hands over its permanently open mouth. I understand people need to unwind and have fun, and that's fine if you like all that. I just don't. It seems like such an advertisement for excess, and it's my personal "ick". I'm sure that says something about me, but I don't know what.

Words of wisdom from my brother: The moral of the story is pray for the right thing. Sometimes, instead of praying for the cup to be passed from your lips, you have to pray for the ability to chug without choking. I'm working on so many varied projects that truly excite me right now, and I will be doing some serious chugging! If you're reading this, please say a prayer that I can give everything my very best shot. And then I'll make sure I share images of the work I've been doing so you can see where those prayers are going. More writings from people I actually know: * 'Toine (aforementioned brother) * Jon (very talented writer friend) * Kevin (very talented artist friend) * Jen (lovely SIL)

Song birds. At times God puts us through the discipline of darkness to teach us to heed Him. Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and we are put into the shadow of God's hand until we learn to hear him... Watch where God puts you into darkness, and when you are there keep your mouth shut. Are you in the dark just now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? Then remain quiet... When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else when you get into the light. ~ Oswald Chambers

Illustration Friday: Seasons I like to draw birds. Coloring them in is kind of theraputic, much like graph paper used to be for me in high school. They all start out pretty much the same, but then a little color, a little detail here and there transforms them into unique creatures. I want to sew birdie-shaped pillows, fit them together to make a tesselated pattern for material, have them march along in a border for the twins' room. Maybe sew stuffed animals - a whole bunch of different colored ones. They're just fun for me and a way to jump-start my imagination. (Plus, it's hard to mess them up!) There's no wrong way to paint a bird. You can see more birds here (scroll to the very bottom) and here and here.

Using my power for good. Well, the auction is officially over, and the talented and very generous Kelly is the proud owner of the "Relief" painting! $375 will be donated to UNICEF, which is so much more than I ever dreamed I could do on my own. Thank you, Kelly, and everyone who donated! And now, for all of you who donated, wanted to, or just like the picture: here is brand-new wallpaper to help remind you of how simple it can be to use your talents - whatever they may be - for good. 800 x 600 | 1024 x 768

In my spare time.... ;) I created a "flower" for Building Letters Magazine's Tsunami issue. Building Letters is a magazine by designers, and raises money for selected charities through its sales. They were looking for designers to make a flower that will be used in a font that they'll include on disk with the issue. Kudos to the marvelously talented Cin for providing the link!

Illustration Friday: Balance (keep going, there are two this week) My life is all about balance. I don't like to call it that; I would rather call it everything working in harmony because balance sounds to me like too much of a juggling act. Which, believe me, it is anyway. I seem to have learned how to have quality time for my family, working, cooking healthy meals for the week, and creative time (without which I would, definitely and beyond a shadow of a doubt, curl up and die). I learned the hard way, but it's ingrained now. The Lord of Green Well, I did my original painting, and then I read this marvelous blog entry from A Cup Of Rich... he notes that a calendar he has equates green with balance. "I could use a lot of that peace, balance, harmony, and restoration right now. And if green is all those things, then Jesus is the Lord of Green." God, I love that! The entry says it 9 gazillion times better than I do... please check it out (it's been inspiring me all week!) ....................................... Two days left in the auction! 100% of the profits go to UNICEF to benefit the tsunami victims.

Working From Home - A Short Poem The following is a note I sent to my co-workers last week when the weather was icky. It's icy and slick out; I wanted to mention That working from home today is my intention. Think of me while you're going for coffee outside And the rain and the sleet makes you run fast inside - Or commuting to far-off wild places like Brooklyn Or Westmont, New Jersey or downtown Metuchen And it's raining and wet and you stifle a sneeze And you hope you don't catch a cold there in the breeze While I'm sitting here snug with a slice of fresh bread That I programmed to bake while I snuggled in bed And it beeped me at 7 when it was done baking And it mixed with the smells of the fire Paul is making. So I'm sitting here working, just a regular gal, On Mutts stuff and graphics and pages for Sal. You can Skype me, IM me, or talk to me live By phoning at xxx-xxx5. ....................................... Thanks to everyone who has bid on or promoted my auction... I'm delightfully stunned by the response. And still 4 days to go! Makes me wish I had done this kind of thing sooner.

The auction's back up! Okay, it's up and running through January 16th... you can place your bids here. And now it's all official and everything. Phew.

Illustration Friday: Disaster Relief (detail above) I will be auctioning off the original watercolour painting and will donate 100% of the proceeds to the tsunami relief efforts. The illustration measures 9"x12" and is painted on acid free, 90 lb cold press watercolour paper. You can see the full version of "Relief" here. UPDATE #2: For those coming directly from Illustration Friday, the good news is that the auction is back up! You can see it here.

The twins just turned 10 months old, and Sophie is now 22 months. Amazing to think that in by March they will turn 1, and 2, respectively (within a week of each other). See them open presents and just generally be cute here.

And a Happy New Year. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad to see 2004 go. Hands down it's been one of the hardest, toughest years of my life. So I'm ready for a fresh start. I like to title my years - the past year was The Year of Adventure, truthful, huh? And I think I have a name for this one! The Year of Taking Care of Myself. And that's not meant in any kind of selfish way. It just occurred to me that looking back over this year, I've been the most frustrated when I was sick and unable to do the things I wanted or needed to do. I'm so used to putting everybody and everything else before myself and my own health; the only reason I went to the doctor faithfully during my pregnancies was for the babies' sakes. So now it's time for me to be a little proactive. This year I plan to monitor my health and well-being more closely to set up long-term good habits instead of being in desperate survival mode as it's been the past few years. I want to look ahead to the future and see a happy old lady who still likes to go hiking and dancing and painting and learning new things, instead of an old crotchety lady who can't get around by herself and complains all the time about it. I plan on being around a long time, and darnit, I'd better be able to enjoy it.

Illustration Friday: Magic I believe in magic, and lots of it. I think this world would be much the sadder if we didn't look for pixies under mushrooms, imagine that the violets are pieces of the sky that were snipped out to let the stars shine through (as Anne Shirley says in Anne of Avonlea), and just basically let our imaginations run away with us sometimes. I try to look for magic everywhere I go. (I also firmly believe that if you don't look for magic, you probably won't find it, either.) Just take a look at all the unicorns and faeries I regularly consort with... I can even say I know a dragon personally. I apologize for using yet another illo from the Elena archives, but I've been sick all week (again) and since I already had an awful lot of magic around, I hate to see it go to waste.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas! To get everyone in the wintry mood, I made you a present... you can decorate your desktop with snowy wallpaper and a screensaver. Voila! Let it snow!

Illustration Friday: Home Paul and I went to Italy about 7 years ago, and it was just like coming home.* I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that at some point in my life I will live in Florence for a time. I've just finished reading Under The Tuscan Sun, (thanks, Jill!) which only makes me more determined and sure that I belong there. There's a saying about the Duomo (that's it above, painted on location) that it makes your heart lighter and that you never want to be out of the sight of it. Darned if it isn't the truth. *We're both Italian, and I'm 100% Sicilian. Don't mess with me. ;)

My "extra" entry for Penelope's Advent Calendar (I was day 11 on the main calendar.) Here's hoping each of you have a smooch in your immediate future.

Illustration Friday: Adoption dear me of March this year: It takes a really long time for an acorn to become an oak tree. Right now, all you can see is that acorn you're holding in your hand, and I remember what a scarred, beat up, run over by a steam roller and smashed open like roadkill acorn it is, too. But out of that mess, I promise you, will come a little tree. Not all at once, but first as a tender shoot pushing its way up tentatively into the sky, and then putting down some brave roots, and then growing stronger and taller and branching out into a leaf or two. It's 9 months later, and I can promise you to just be patient and just hang in there, because it will actually get better. Just trust in healing and nature and time and let those things work their magic. And I'm sure that 9 months from now, I'll be writing myself another letter, talking about how much better it's gotten once the babies are walking and talking and don't need specially prepared everything and two million doctor's visits. But that's not keeping me from trying to take each day one day at a time, and enjoying and accepting everything just as it is, right now. If I could reach back in time and hold you and try to convince you that things get better, I would. I'm crying while I'm writing this, because you just can't see how amazing life is now. But you will. Your body will heals, your scar will close at last, you take the babies for walks, you laugh and play with them all the time, and you actually weigh what you did when you got out of college. And you're more creative than ever. Hang in there, you little oak tree, you. The possibilities are all there. Just be patient.

Bath stuff is good. Especially when it's from Trader Joe's and I don't have to feel guilty about using gobs of it. And it smells so good. (I have to confess to tasting the Rosemary Mint/Sea Salt scrub.) Mmmmmmm.... "Bath stuff is good" pretty much sums it up for me. Golly, a lollipop is following me... ...and I really don't know what to do. While looking up "Letterman" on Google, I found this amazing resource of Electric Company Lyrics. (Here's a clue, if "It's the plumber, I've come to fix the sink," means something to you, you're going to love this link.) I also found this slightly disturbing screen cap from the aforementioned Lollipop song... it's really scary that if you had asked me yesterday, I wouldn't have remembered a thing about it; but show me that pic and the first line and I started singing the whole darn song. "When a big yellow lolliop, golly, follows yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou." This is why I'm not a rocket scientist, my brain is full of stuff like this. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.

Illustration Friday: Security One thing I really want for my children is to feel so secure in their parents' love for them that they feel the freedom to try their wings. I see it in the way Sophie unselfconsciously experiments with music and art, how Angela tries out all the sounds her little mouth can make, how Peter has just begun to crawl and there is nothing that will hold him back now. Imagine what they'll try when they're 18... Toast aplenty, everywhere! * Holiday cards are still available online, and now are also appearing at the lovely shop Heidi's Cottage in Dunellen, NJ. * I'm in Penelope's Advent Calendar- but I have no idea what day I'll be featured, so check back often! * And feeling the love at Michelle's...

Illustration Friday: Bubble

This time last year... ...Sophie had her operation on her eyelid. Now, a year later, people who've just met her said they'd never know she ever had a problem with it. I thank God for the wonderful doctors we had and all the prayers that came our way. And I'm equally grateful not to be facing any surgery or hospital visits for anyone in our family in the forseeable future. Yay, Sophie, you amazing little cookie, you.

Desperate Housewives had me bawling last night. Last night Lynette (the mom of four kids under the age of seven) got caught up in a cycle of no sleep at night and crazy kids during the day. Granted, the plot had acupuncture, an addiction to her kids' Riddalin and the usual looniness one expects from DH, but for once I identified with her. I understood about having a dream about screaming at your kids and throwing a jar of peanut butter straight through a window. She gives all four kids to one of her friends and gets in the car and speeds off with no explanation except that she needs a break. She finally breaks down and tells her friends how hard it's been and how she's going crazy. They hug her and tell her that they had amazingly rough times when their kids were small too and that it's even harder with so many young ones. "But why didn't any of you TELL ME?" she sobbed. And I completely understood what she meant. Not why doesn't anyone tell you how hard raising kids is; but why didn't anyone else tell me that they went through the same thing and survived? That I'm not alone in my desperation; that everyone else does not have all the answers, and that is quite possible to love your children with every bone in your body and try to be the best mom in the entire world and still long to fling open the car door and run away anywhere for a little while, just for some quiet. And that PPD makes it even harder. I swear to God, if there isn't a national organization for moms, there ought to be. People should know that they're not alone in all of this. Maybe I should start one (in my spare time, ha ha ha!) But truly, my life is at least twenty times better than it was in August - I am handling things so much better. Whether it's time or less hormones, I don't know, but all three kids are sick this week and while I'm stressing, I'm nowhere near as bad as I would have been 6 months ago. You know you've turned a corner when you wake up and hear this over the monitor first thing in the morning, and it makes you giggle instead of cry: (Sneeze.) "Uh-oh. Oh, Sophie has boogers. Boogers aaaaalllll over Sophie's face. Mama clean it up for Sophie. Mama come and get the boogers. Eeew. Boogers. Mama come get Sophie, clean it all up." (etc. etc.) I think I just might make it.

Illustration Friday: Cling This has been Sophie, all week. It's really amazing how sensitive kids are - not only has she had a little cold herself, but she could tell that I was acting differently all last week, since I was sick. And she knew something was wrong. Now she tugs on my leg, yells, "UP!" and hangs on like a koala bear in a torrential windstorm. If I dare suggest that she gets down so that I could do something mundane but necessary, like, say, take dinner out of the oven, she collapses into a sobbing heap. Only many hugs and reassurances that Mama is there for her can make it okay again. One thing I'm thankful for this year is my family, and the unquestioning, unconditional love we all share for each other. And the fact that I have the power to make a little girl's life happy by just loving her. * * * * * Thanks for all the suggestions and questions in Tuesday's post - I'm doing my best to answer every single one of them. And will I ever have a great list to take to the library!

Jumping on the bandwagon from demi-god Jon: 1. First, recommend to me: * a movie * a book: * a musical artist, song, or album: 2. Ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want. 3. Paste this into your journal, allowing your friends to ask you anything.

Holiday Cards aplenty. I've been sick all week, so I didn't have a chance to do an illustration for Illustration Friday, at least not an illustration I would feel was worthy of sharing. What I do have is lots of gorgeous cards for the holidays, and your chance to help me out with #29 on my list. Last year I wrote a play-by-play of how I was getting the cards ready for the printer, holding myself accountable in my blog. The comments are gone now but I received so much good feedback and encouragement that really helped make the project happen. If you want to read about the whole process, you can see it here (scroll down and start with October 13, and then read up.) And you can read the stories behind the illustrations here:

Illustration Friday: Vintage Inspired by justcoffeeart.com, this illustration was done in pencil and wine. Yes, that's right, washes of wine. I had a little to drink and a little to paint with and on the whole I like the way it worked out. Why don't people do this more often? Because (a) wine is better to drink with than to paint and (b) it smells like feet while it's drying. I kid you not. "Vintage" reminds me of good years in the past, and it's memories that have been playing a big part of my week. I found out (within a half hour!) that two different people I knew had heart attacks unexpectedly and passed away. One was Dodie, a woman I used to sing with in my old church choir. She was on vacation this week when it struck. The other was Ed, a sweet co-worker of my mom's who used to scout around the conference rooms for untouched food and send me all sorts of snacks via my mom - large coffee cups filled with M&Ms, bags of potato chips, you name it. I was pregnant with the twins and tried not to buy that stuff for myself but I'd gleefully accept it when it came. When Mom came over this week I gave her a little baggie of M&Ms and kept one for myself, and said we needed to eat them in Ed's memory. (And Ed, I did, and they were really good.) And I have a tape of Michael W. Smith music that Dodie gave to me long ago when we used to rehearse together - I'll be taking it out and listening to it, and remembering a sweet and quiet person and the music we used to share.

Illustration Friday: Search And it's so appropriate, because Friday night Paul and I are going OUT ON A DATE. That's right - a real date, for the first time in over 8 months! We're actually leaving the house and going out to our favorite restaurant for dinner, without children. And I have no clue what to wear! I'm just now taking out winter clothes I haven't been able to wear for the past two years (since for the past two years, I've been preggers this time of the year). I'm gleeful, twirling around in sweaters and slacks I haven't seen myself in, in ages. Will I glam it up or wear something fluffy and lush and warm? Who cares - I won't have to cook and I'll be swoony over Paul. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The dinner was super-nice - I had something with shrimp and asparagus and sundried tomatoes and mushrooms..... and our dessert was this great chocolate cake that I can't even describe but I was looking forward to it all day. And I was glam (silvery long scarf in my hair), fluffy and lush (woolen, almost polar-fleecy deep grey long dress) and warm (leggings underneath, and boots). Paul loved it, and Sophie came over and petted me before we went out, so I guess I was a hit.

Archives aplenty Look! I got a version of the archives to work. Scroll way down on the right to see them. I know they look like garbage, I know the first link doesn't work for some odd reason, but at long last I have archives again. It's been almost 4 years I've been blogging, and this journal has taken me through construction on our house, having Sophie, having the twins, birthdays, anniversaries, you name it, it's there. Go have fun!

Get out and VOTE! Well, I did it... how about you? And here's why it's important to do a little backround reading... I found this in our paper while looking up local candidates and reading up on the big "Parking Deck" issue: Mr. John Wolhrab of Linden whose name remains on the ballot was charged with assault by the Linden police two weeks ago for domestic violence and resigned from his appointed Freeholder position. If elected, the Democratic party announced it will replace him by appointing a Linden attorney, Nancy Ward. Mr. Wolhrab was appointed in March to replace former Freeholder Nicholas Scutari, who resigned his position to serve in the State Senate in 2003 in the wake of sexual harassment charges leveled against then Senator Joseph Suliga. Nice history for that position, huh? In any case, I did what I set out to do on my "Big 33" list: did my research and made the best-informed decision I could. Now all we have to do is wait....

Lots of Halloween and Fall pictures. At last, a photo of all three babies together, and check out those peas!

Illustration Friday: Snazzy! I'm just curious, how much time do people spend on these? And what size do you print/scan? (As in, able to print, or just for web?) I take about 4-5 hours (over several nights, while the kids are asleep) and my process includes character/idea thumbnails, final pencil drawing (that's usually one night), painting (that's usually another), and then scanning and Photoshop stuff, and posting (the third night). And I usually scan at 300 dpi and save down from there, so that I can print them if I ever want to use these for something in print.

Imagination Cubed. Remember the site where you could draw a picture and send it - and people could watch you draw in real time? Well, GE's done it again - you can now collaborate and draw with your friends. Check out the pic that I made with Allyson and Cindy. And then make one and post the link here so I can see it! Click here to launch imagination³

Peapods. Yup, that's right! For Halloween, the muffins will be, well, peas. To see how my highly talented Mom and I figured out how to make their costumes, and to see how you too can make costumes for three kids under $20, click here (warning, big illustration). Enjoy! (yeah, I switched pics because I like the black and white one better. But you can still see the color one here if you wish.)

Boy, do I love PBS - they consistently have fantastic programming (not to mention Sesame Street). Now that they've done the history of Broadway, make sure you don't miss this great PBS special: The Political Dr. Seuss, broadcasting this week. You're in charge of the last of the Truffula Seeds. And Truffula Trees are what everyone needs. Plant a new Truffula. Treat it with care. Give it clean water. And feed it fresh air. Grow a forest. Protect it from axes that hack. Then the Lorax and all of his friends may come back. --The Lorax

Illustration Friday: Fiesta! Interested in a print? Drop me a line.

Worth mentioning. 10 years ago, Paul told me he loved me for the first time. We smooched a lot. The rest is history.

Why I don't have an Electric Company T-Shirt. A couple of months ago, I saw an awesome tshirt with the Electric Company logo on it. I thought, this is so going on my birthday wish list, when I saw the price tag - $24. In my world, tshirts cost at most, $12, and no matter how much I loved to yell "Hey, you guys!" in the 70's I was not spending that much money on a shirt. So I thought, how hard can this be to make? Find the logo online (or scan it from the record cover - yes, we had it), clean it up on the computer, print it out on transfer paper, and iron it onto whatever shirt I wanted. I told a couple of other people and they wanted one too. Cool! But then I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, about copyright, and what's stealing, and what's not. I thought, how would I like it if I was selling shirts of my artwork and saw someone walking down the street with a knockoff? I'd be pretty upset. In fact, I would be upset even if I had no shirts of my artwork and someone made one - however flattering to me that's meant to be, I still would have had no say in the quality and no compensation (monetary or otherwise) for my work. I've spoken to other artists about this, who agree that when you break it down like that, it's really not a good thing. And one of the things I feel worst about was that I didn't make some great fan shirt all on my own as a tribute; I saw something and tried to copy it to save the cash. Okay, so I still like the shirt. So I looked it up online to see if I could get a bargain somewhere, and found that proceeds go to Sesame Workshop, an organization I respect highly. (They are non-profit and one of their main goals is getting quality children's programming, like Sesame Street, worldwide.) So now I may actually buy one, knowing that the money is going to a good cause. And that's why the only place you'll see me in an Electric Company tshirt - unless I break down and buy one - is in the sketch above.

Illustration Friday This week's subject: illustrate the word "smelly." Mine's based on personal experience.

Still undecided. I have been religiously watching the debates and polling people around me, and I'm still undecided. But then I found this today: the Presidential Candidate Quiz. According to this quiz, my #2 choice would be Kerry, and Bush would come in at #6. Color me surprised - I figured those two would be switched. I took another quiz (read this article at Wired) that again has me agreeing more with Kerry. I have some more reading to do. UPDATE: Please, no more comments. Right-wing, left-wing, non-voters, undecideds, you've all weighed in. My site is not a forum to push political agenda down anyone's throat. Call me crazy, when I started this post I thought, "Hey, this is an interesting and thought-provoking quiz that made an undecided voter like me think twice," and I thought I'd share the link with others who might also be undecided. Thanks, everyone for making your thoughts known, but we're done now. I promise the next post will have something to do with art, kids, pumpkins, or all three, and if I can get an illustration in there too, even better.

Halloween! Okay everyone, I need you to put on your thinking caps. What should the muffins be for Halloween? Please keep in mind: - There are three of them. - I will make them three little kittens only as a last resort. - I already have a ladybug costume that was Sophie's last year. - I have limited $$ and time to go shopping/making costumes. - They will be going to the Halloween parade/costume contest/trick or treating in their triple stroller, so costumes that look good from the waist up are good. - I will decorate the stroller to match. - Paul and I will possibly dress up with them. We have good medieval costumes. Anything including Indiana Jones is a plus. Thoughts? UPDATE 10/12: It's now down to peas or flowers, depending on which works better with the time/supplies/energy I have on hand. We will be marching in the Halloween parade, which is part of the celebrations for Addams Family Month - yes, not only was my town the centerpiece for Ed, it's also where Charles Addams made his home. I consider the latter fact to be way cooler. And of course we'll post pictures!

We've come a long way, babies. So it's been one year since I fainted at church while songleading, passing out in front of the whole congregation and taking the podium with me. One year since I was rushed to the hospital where it was revealed to us that for some unknown reason, God had decided to send twins our way. A lot has happened in a year, not the least of which is: - Sophie's eye operation - being pregnant with twins while running after a 1 year old - painting a new Christmas card and selling my cards for the first time - going into labor 10 weeks early - major surgery and a wound that wouldn't heal - new babies that needed constant attention, medication, and monitoring - constant shuttling back and forth between home and the NICU for 72 straight days - lugging around 5lb monitors and wires with each baby - depression, pretty much since this time last year and - babies that now weigh over 16lbs (more than quadrupling their birth weights) - therapists' visits put their (adjusted) development right where it should be... phew! - an 18 month old that has the vocabulary of a 3 year old and astounds me every day - a triple stroller that makes passerby smile and point as we go by - finally getting to wear my own fall and winter clothes again and putting those maternity clothes in storage - fitting into my pre-Sophie jeans and getting back to my normal shape - getting over myself and accepting help with meals and babysitting - exercising again - eating healthy and marathon Sunday-afternoon baking sessions - possibly (gasp!) going on a DATE outside of my house with my husband - the Big 33 List I'm looking forward to maybe having a calmer year this year, one involving much less trips to the hospital. ps ~ So here are the muffins at almost 7 months old, wearing their newly-knitted kitty cat hats. Sophie's is almost done too.

Banned Books Week It's Banned Books Week. Go out and read one today. On my shelf: The Golden Compass (new to me) and one of my all time favorites, Farenheit 451 which is, ironically, about book-burning.

'Fessing up. I have post-partum depression. It started after Sophie was born, and never really had a chance to get better once I got pregnant with the twins. It has been getting a tiny bit better, every day, and it's been very hard for me to say anything to anyone since I have this reputation for being such an optimistic person. I'm still optimistic, it's just very very hard to remember that, some days. Someone recently wrote about how people seem to be trying to drag her down and not share in her successes. I have felt the opposite - everyone seems to want me to be this happy, lovely super-artist-mom that's always inspiring and wonderful. So I have been afraid to share my depression. Every time I wrote about being down, I'd get an email saying how I needed to look at how wonderful my life was and how deleriously happy they would be to be in my shoes. I felt guilty for feeling so amazingly bad when I had three children and some had none. I felt ashamed when I read Dooce's journal, because my depression didn't manifest itself the same way hers did and so somehow I couldn't call this PPD because I wasn't checking myself into a hospital like she did. Trust me, the more I read books and articles on the subject, the more I see myself in the pages. I am not on medication. I am not seeing a doctor. I will if I feel I need to. For now, I need to talk about it, and to let the people close to me know about it. If they really love me, they'll understand. Some have probably already figured it out. I honestly thought at one point in time that I would never smile or laugh or sing again. I'm doing more of both now. And I'm starting to do little things; like painting, like making my 33 list, like admitting I'm not capable of doing and being everything for everyone all the time. It's awfully slow, but I'm getting there.

Walk for Life Anyone who wants to help with #12 on my Big 33 List, "Do a fundraising walk", here's your chance. I'm doing the Walk for Life again - it's a fundraising walk that benefits Life Choices Center in Edison, NJ. They provide support, some medical care, and counseling for pregnant women who have decided not to have an abortion. They need diapers, formula, blankets, clothes - and this year they're trying to get an ultrasound machine. Those of you with babies know how important it is to get good prenatal medical care and how amazing it is to see that little one growing and developing.   If you're interested in sponsoring me (and Sophie - she's walking with me!), it can be in any amount. Just send me an email with the amount you'd like to sponsor with your address and I'll put you on the sheet. I'll be doing the walk this Saturday, Sept. 25th.

dear God, I just wanted to say thank you for surprising me today. You know how hard it has been for me lately, you've seen all the crying I've been doing, and you know how much I just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up. You know that I have been questioning my abilities on just about every level there is, especially motherhood. And you know too that for some thick-headed reason I have been feeling like I can do things alone. You saw the whirling dervish I was this weekend, cooking meals for a week, dressing and packing up everyone, going to a christening and feeling sick the whole time, dreading the week to come because I just knew I would get really sick and have no time to take care of myself because of our crazy schedules. You saw me get up at 3am with Angela, who has slept through the night for the past month and a half but for some reason not last night, and then again with Peter because I was up anyway. You saw my book light on as I read because I was too anxious to go to sleep. And you saw me stagger out of bed at 7 once Sophie started chirping, "Mama, Mama!" through the baby monitor. You've seen me start to become a coffee drinker because for once in my life I need a jumpstart. You alone hear the words I mutter under my breath in frustration, words the normal, regular me would never ever dream of saying. I think I'm turning into someone else and it scares the pants off me. But this morning, on a day I'd been dreading simply because it started another week, you threw me a curve ball. Angela rolled over, all by herself. And all of a sudden, I realized that maybe we are doing something right, that maybe all the bits of time and exercises and reading and walks in the park and singing together that I feel are too few and far between - well, maybe they add up okay anyway. If Angela, the child that I feel gets the least attention because she's so sweet, so uncomplaining, so willing just to sit near you and watch your face - Angela, who was born 2 months early and was in the hospital for pretty much all of those 2 months - if my Angela can roll over at just about the time that Sophie did, then maybe, just maybe, I'm not doing such a horrible job after all. And I want to: Thank you for the two songs you sent me on the ride home, on two different stations, the ones that said were about always being by my side so I would never be alone. I got the message loud and clear. Thank you for the long naps all the babies took this afternoon for me, letting me actually read and nap a little myself. Thank you for sending me a sitter to help me put the babies to bed after the regular sitter couldn't make it. Thank you for giving me a husband who reminds me over and over again that we're partners and that we're a team, and that I'm not going it alone. And thank you especially for listening to me, no matter how whiny, annoying, and ungracious about your blessings I may be. I'm trying, really, I am. And I know you know that too. love, your Elena

I wanted to do a new one this year, but I ran out of time (imagine that!). So here's my page, in Rememberance.

The Big 33 List 1. Write letters to artists I admire: SARK, Tomie dePaola, Paul McCartney (for starters). 2. Do a painting either for our bedroom or to go over the fireplace. 3. Make Nana's homemade pasta and meatballs. 4. See these movies: Brother Sun, Sister Moon; The Agony and the Ecstacy; Amelie. 5. Get down to 125 lbs (4 to go!) 6. Take up yoga again. 7. Make at least one puppet. 8. Sew at least one article of clothing. 9. Set aside prayer time every day - start doing "Vision" and "Action" book. 10. Do a 5K run. 11. Donate artwork for a cause I believe in. 12. Do a fundraising walk. 13. Clean out my closets and donate/get rid of clothes that don't fit. 14. Read these books: Angels and Demons; Girl Wearing a Pearl Earring (more to come) 15. Go chalking more. 16. Journal more, especially in Peter's, Angela's, and Sophie's. 17. Get a really great haircut and finally learn what to do with it. 18. Write letters/call friends I haven't seen in a while. 19. Go on Artist's Dates. 20. Eat more organic, less meat. 21. Record a song - either with Paul, or by myself, a cappella, in parts. 22. Get Christmas stuff done very early so I can enjoy the twins' first Christmas (and Sophie's first one I will actually have any energy for). 23. Finally complete The Artist's Way. 24. Finish both watercolour sketchbooks. 25. Finish current therapy story I'm illustrating for myself. 26. Knit something for all three babies. 27. Join the Westfield Art Association. 28. (Private, will post when it's done.) 29. Sell out the rest of my Christmas cards. 30. Paint Jeremiah quote for Paul. 31. (Private painting note - will post when it's done.) 32. Make a completely thought-through and well-researched decision and vote in November. 33. Enjoy this year pregnancy-free.

I'm super proud of working on this... Happy 10th Anniversary, Mutts!

Click to see artwork from last week's Art Night.

Having a Ball or How I Managed to Fit Into My Pre-Sophie Jeans I just started doing a (new to me) program called The Light Weigh about a month ago and it really, really works - I'm finally fitting into clothes I haven't worn for two years. It's like reclaiming part of myself. Here's the program in a nutshell: you only eat when you're hungry, and when you do, you only eat about a cup at a time of whatever you want until you're hungry again. It's also faith-based, and although I'm a Nice Catholic Girl I find the woman a little intense for me, but the basics make a lot of sense to me. It questions what emptiness inside you're trying to fill - actual hunger, emotional hunger, spiritual hunger - and then once you've identified it, you can satisfy it. I could go on and on about this, but one of the main things that really hits home with me is "God's Portion" - the part you leave on your plate. You offer it up as a sacrifice for whatever you're currently praying for. It gives me several reminders throughout the day to remember others and say a little prayer for them - lately I've been praying for her and for them. A couple of weeks ago I saw a picture of a little girl Sophie's age on a news program and it broke my heart - I had to turn off the TV right away because I knew the news wasn't going to be good - and I offered up every little sacrifice for her. I will never meet these people, but I'm doing whatever I can for them just the same. So what's the deal with the ball? At work currently, I don't use a chair. I have been sitting on a bright blue exercise ball since I read in Shape Magazine 5 years ago that doing so requires such a micro-balancing act that it's like doing stomach crunches all day long. So far the main thing to feel the burn is my back, which my co-worker says is because the muscles are weak. (Hey, now that Angela weighs in at about 16 pounds, I really need strong back and stomach muscles - the stronger the better!) Along with daily stomach crunches and pushing three babies around the park, I may get this body back into shape yet.

Sophie spelled a word last night! Last night Sophie was playing with her refrigerator magnet letters. She was really quiet, and when I went to look at her I saw that she had taken two of the refrigerator letters and put them together on top of a laundry basket - she spelled "UP". We asked her what it said, and she kept looking at us really intently, and finally, she said, "Pup!" which is in the beginning of her favorite, Hop on Pop (UP, PUP, Pup is up). She was pretty darn close and she knew it meant something. We've shown her how to spell things with the letters before, but not that - and Paul swears that although they were spelling other words from Hop on Pop earlier in the evening, they didn't do that one. Amazing, huh?