feeling

linkage: Notes on "Martha My Dear" ...just because I've listened to the song three times already today and I would have to say it's my favorite Beatles song {I can play it on the piano too}. I quote: "Don't be fooled: the gracious surface charm of this song is more substantively belied by novel touches in the departments of form, phrasing and harmony than you might ever notice without a closer look." Right!

The French Toast Girl is proud to present.... Wacky stuff people have typed in to get to my site! Yes, believe it or not, these are some of the actual things people have typed in to get to my site. I have a feeing they were probably a little disappointed when they finally got there.

unclothed French Girls

dress and pick a girl

how do I make french toast {I'm actually going to address that one}

French smoking girls

French call girls

what to do when you park with a girl

how to French a girl

photos of two girls french kissing

check her out {not sure what the connection is there}

spanking tools {because I said "brand-spanking new" on the home page}

sexiey French girls {nice spelling, eh?}

...and now I’ve shown up on something called “Super Sex Search” looking for French girls. Lovely. linkage for today to make me laugh 'cos I need it: The On-Line, Pre-Date Confidence Builder Egotistical Productions, a website produced by, written by, starring, and organized by my very talented brother. Make sure you get the Clump teaser... you'll be hooked for sure.

Am having stomach aches for the past week straight. Lovely. Of course this is probably stress related, but as I don't see my life changing significantly in the immediate future to change that, I'm not sure what I should do about it. I've had it strongly suggested that I go to the doctor to have it diagnosed and make sure I don't have something fatal. All I can think of is the Far Side cartoon where Joe's stomach has left his body and is standing in the light from the open refridgerator door, looking for a midnight snack. Maybe my stomach is going on strike.

Ahhh... if only there were three of me... one to do some laundry/shopping/wifely things; one to be super-creativity-inspiration woman; and one to sleep. I think I'll go be #3 right now. One nice thing about today, my ISP was taken over and I had a problem with my site, made a complaint and glory be, they actually listened and fixed it the same day. I'm speechless. 'Course, this could all just be a mad coincidence, but I'm in an expansive mood so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

For some reason I need to listen to the same music overandoverandover lately, and I've gotten into some kind of mantra thing almost with CSN singing the Beatles song, 'Blackbird." Don't ask me why. It's just that one song, again and again. That and "Driving Rain" that probably everyone at work knows all the words to by now because I could play the whole CD 12 times a day and not get bored. (Okay...if I'm confessing.... John Lennon's "Oh My Love" and Phil Collins' "Find a Way to My Heart" too.) Just about the only thing I can come up with that they all have in common is renewal. "I feel the sorrow, I feel the dreams Everything is clear in my heart I feel life, I feel love Everything is clear in our world."

Putting on a smile, because I want to try to celebrate Nana's wonderful life, although we're all going to miss her terribly. I mentioned previously that I was doing a gratitude journal this year. Last night, I just stared at the page for ages, thinking, what was there to be happy about today? I remarked that I was at somewhat of a loss to my husband, and he seemed surprised. "You have me," he said. And he was right. So I wrote that down. And then I realized all I did have to be thankful for: 1. That I got to know Nana and have her be a part of my life. 2. That she came into my life just when my Grandma died and so God gave me another chance to have a grandmother. 3. That I was able to make her meatball recipe and have her try it out (and she liked it!) so I know I got it right. 4. That I have such a loving family, on both sides, that cares so much about me. Today I scanned in 2 Nana pictures: The first is a group picture, where of course, Nana is the center of attention and having a great time. The second picture shows Nana with her shades, tossing back some water (that happened to be in a champagne glass). My very favorite Nana picture. I was okay until I got home from work and saw that Paul had out one of Nana's recipes and had photocopied it for his sister. That, for some reason, was more real than any photograph.

Nana passed away this morning. She was an amazing woman; 95 years old and still succulent. She was a fighter, she believed fiercely in prayer, and she loved to have her picture taken. She was also one of the best cooks ever. She was my Nana by marriage but she became my real Nana too. I'm glad I made her meatballs.

Time. Time at last Time to read Time to paint Time to sit in front of the fire and do nothing, nothing at all. Lots of books on one side Loving husband on the other side Lots of snow outside Warm and quiet inside.

This is such a metaphor for my week it's not even funny. Yesterday morning, I was running down the sidewalk dragging the garbage can with recycling, chasing after the garbage truck and shouting for them to wait. The guy hanging on the back of the truck saw me and yelled to the driver, but the driver wouldn't stop and kept on going. Finally, the truck backed all the way down my street to where I was standing, looking oh-so-lame, clutching the side of the can. The guy on the back of the truck tosses my garbage and doesn't acknowledge my thanks or the big smile I give him. I drag the empty can back up the driveway.

My Mom had a really interesting idea. I've been doing all this work for the upcoming retreat: writing a talk, helping with music, doing artwork, emailing and bringing disks to people and all sorts of stuff. It's all for a good cause! So my Mom mentions that I can offer all this work up for a special intention, something in particular I'm praying for. I think that's a fantastic idea. So... I have something special in mind. I'll let you know when (and if) it comes true... And no, it's not a pony!

Wow wow wow... this is so cool: my friend Kevin is starting up a lot of new — and really cool projects. You're going to want to bookmark that site, trust me. Make sure you check out Absurd Notions and his fantastic artwork, too.

Darnit, I can't resist this stuff... Go Faeries!! Take the What Faery Are You? Quiz! This quiz was made by lia Accurate, no?

Forgot to say: brand-spankin' new stuff up at the home site: frenchtoastgirl.com.

Ha ha ha ha ha....
You will marry LEGOLAS from Lord of the Rings, live in an ancient elven palace in the middle of the forest, and spend your days walking on top of snow and rowing ivory boats and just being beautiful.

What's YOUR M * A * S * H future?

I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in synchronicity and blessings. This week, I finished writing my talk on Renewal. One of the quotes in it is from Ezekiel: “I will give you a new heart and place a new sprit within you, taking from your bodies your stony hearts and giving you natural hearts.” I have had that on my mind much this week. On the way home from work tonight, I heard a program where the speaker read the exact same quote over the radio. When I got home, there was an email waiting for me from an online friend who discussed a transformation that had begun in her heart on Christmas Eve and brought her back to church. I'm crying right now. How blessed I am to be the receiver of this message, the witness to the change in someone's heart; and learning more about my own change of heart through the prayer and soul-searching I had to do for my talk. And hopefully, in February, when I give this talk, I'll be the bearer of glad tidings to someone else who may decide to open her heart.

Boy, am in some kind of groove or something lately... I've been listening to: Driving Rain fave song: don't know yet, I am pretty much digging the whole album; uniformly excellent Red Rose Speedway Little Lamb Dragonfly gets me every time Venus and Mars yes, Mary, this is the album with Magneto and Titanium Man on it All the Best I remember dancing around to C Moon while my Dad made pancakes... It's like some kind of Paul McCartney festival around here or something... and in the next room my boss is listening to the George Harrison channel on Spinner... mental note: need to get Flowers in the Dirt and Tug of War on CD too [much easier to listen to at work than vinyl...]

I don't think I mentioned yet that I started a gratitude journal on jan 1... every night before I go to sleep I write down (and give thanks for) three things I'm grateful for that happened that day. It's nothing fancy, just a little datebook from Staples with some sparkly stickers. Just think how great it'll be at the end of the year when I can look back and see all the blessings I've received during the year.... over 1000 of them! I'd love to hear if anyone else does this and what some of the things are that you're thankful for. ps ~ apparently you can have a gratitude journal here and learn all about one here (awesome book too), but I decided to do one before I had ever heard of either of these! Mine is next to my bed, not online....yet.

On the way to work this morning, out in the middle of the street, key in hand. A car drives by, stops. The window rolls down, a friendly face peeks out. "Are you the singer at St. Helen's?" she asks. [I am.] "I think you're great! I just love to hear you sing!" I flung out my arms wide and thanked her for making my day.

Bought myself (and Paul) flowers on the way home from work yesterday. Big shaggy flowers, some daisies and chrysanthemums too, in bright happy colors. In the checkout line, the woman in front of me started up a conversation (I love that! Sometimes I start them.) about my gorgeous flowers. I said that I walked right by them and decided to pick up a bunch because they were, in fact, so gorgeous. "I deserve them!" I announced to her and the checkout lady. For $4.99, how can you afford not to do something so simple and nice for yourself? It sure helped to lift my spirits. ps ~ meatballs came out okay but take time: not really cooking time but cleaning time of the stove, the floor, and the 3 pots I had to use but didn't fit in the dishwasher. But, I now have 6 meal containers with ziti and 2 meatballs each saved for Nana, Paul's mom, and of course, the meatball king himself, Paul.

I am so inundated with stuff to do that I think it's quite possible that my head is going to explode. Tonight, just for starters, I am making ziti and meatballs for Paul's Nana (in the nursing home). Then I'm going to endeavor to finish a logo and revise my talk, and then rehearse said talk for meeting tomorrow (thank God for runthroughs). At work, I have an awful lot to do — all good work, but stuff that requires attention and creativity and my brain. And I want to do my best. << insert deep breath here >> Yoga, anyone? Listening to: They Might Be Giants (to make me laugh) Paul McCartney (who desperately needs new web designers. I volunteer to go to London and knock on his door and pitch our services. Great album: awful site.)

Wow! It's a new year... finally! I have been so so so busy with life in general that I have had no time to just note anything down. I saw in the New Year in an emerald-sequined dress, with long white gloves and a tiara. Why not start the new year off right? We went to our friends Jon & Liz's new house and Heidi and I dressed as if we were going to be presented to the queen of England. I think we just may start a trend.... I've been spending a lot of time working on my talk on renewal for the upcoming Cornerstone retreat in February. Remember before when I wrote, "I gotta be me?" Well, now I gotta be me in front of a whole bunch of people who don't know me from Adam. It was suggested to me that I let everyone know that I'm an artist and interpret things in a very visual way so they understand better where I'm coming from. I think that's a good suggestion. I have listened to the Phil Collins song "Find a Way to my Heart" about 30 times in the past week... Paul made me a special mix [oh, the things you can do with a home studio!] for the retreat. I'm very blessed to have his help. So... do I have resolutions? Yup. My theme for this year is to LEARN. I want to be open to learn all sorts of things this year: a new computer program, how to make a fire in the fireplace myself, where the cables go when you need to jump-start the car. I may even sign up for a class or two. I also want to do yoga on a regular basis. It helps keep me calm and relaxed and stretched out.