I'm wordless. You make up a caption.

9/11 and Katrina have brought about lots of memories, lots of feelings of helplessness, lots of panic and nightmares of terroristic things happening to my own children. Not too much I can do about it but to try to hug them lots and pray till it passes. Everything I do seems like just a drop in the bucket.

I've been playing this song as much as I can until I can get the CD (out tomorrow; that's something to look forward to).

Like so many girls, Jenny Wren could sing
But a broken heart took her song away
Like the other girls, Jenny Wren took wing
She could see the world and its foolish ways
How we spend our days casting love aside
Losing sight of life, day by day
She saw poverty, breaking all the home
Wounded warriors, took her song away
But the day will come, Jenny Wren will sing
When this broken world mends its foolish ways
Now we spend our days catching up on life
All because of you, Jenny Wren

(from Paul McCartney's new album, which you can sample here .)

Once again, I'm auctioning an original painting for charity. I will donate 100% of the proceeds of the sale to the Hurricane Katrina relief efforts (Mercy Corps Katrina Relief Fund).


(detail above; click here for full image)

The painting measures 18"x24" with an image area of 16"x22" and is painted on acid-free, recycled bristol board with a vellum finish, using acrylics and coloured pencil.

Ever since the hurricane, I've had sleepless nights, unable to get images from the news reports out of my head. All I can think about is how I would feel if anything happened to our children - how do you explain to a baby that there's nothing for her to eat or drink? Or where her home is? I've been hugging my babies especially tight right now and praying hard.

Our hearts go out to all affected by this disaster - especially the children. It's my hope that every child and family affected by this tragedy will be able to follow their dreams and still reach for the stars.

The auction is here on eBay and will be running until close to midnight on September 12.

Even if you've already made a donation and won't be be bidding here, please spread the word and post a link if you have a blog or forward this in an email - every cent will be donated to the disaster relief efforts, and every penny can help.

Illustration Friday: Roots

I think many times, what's going on under the surface is more interesting than what the rest of the world sees.

A defining concept from the Artist's Way is the need to nurture and protect your new and growing ideas before exposing them to the rest of the world and allowing them to be hurt. Know that for every little fragile shoot emerging out of the dust, there's a widespread and deep system of roots to support it. Right now; I have lots and lots of roots and a few brand new shoots starting to be brave and stick their heads up.


p.s. ~ Just wanted to let everyone know a previous Illustration Friday painting of mine is being auctioned to raise funds for Mercy Corps Hurricane Katrina Fund. Here's your chance to own an original painting and to do some good for people so desperately in need of help.

p.p.s ~ Check out also Art For Katrina, a site where many other artists are donating their work and efforts.

I did it! At long last, and after starting on four seperate occasions since 1997, I FINALLY FINISHED THE ARTIST'S WAY! I truly think this time was different - whether it's because I was more ready for it, or had a stronger support system, or because I made my self accountable by sending weekly updates and emails, or because I finally faced my fears head-on - I honestly don't know. Maybe it was a combination of all of the above. I signed a contract with myself for the next three months to continue doing my morning pages (and drew a big rainbow on it). I have a plan outlined for the next few months to help me reach my goals, and I have a dedicated support system I keep in touch with on a regular basis. ps ~ If you signed up for the weekly email updates, I can't tell you how much it's helped me, and I hope it's helped you too. (You get one more email this weekend....)

I am married, but not settled - more stirred up I think. Still rebellious, still searching for inner peace. I see.... how life has molded our partnership; how living with and loving this man has surprised me, has turned out to be something I never expected... [We] are a thousand times blessed. In the sun and in the darkness as well, we can be happy together. Married, I am happy. Married, I am free.* Happy Birthday (and Anniversary, earlier this month) to my Paul. *again, from Singing Lessons by Judy Collins.

Illustration Friday: Dream This weekend I had a tremendous experience that I don't know if I could do justice to here with a limited amount of space. Suffice it to say, I made a request of God and it was filled INSTANTLY, in a very personal and humbling and visual way. While writing down the experience and the dream that preceded it, ideas for paintings came POURING out onto the paper, images I'd carried with me for years but never seriously entertained putting down. I think all in all there were 11 of them and 7 or more were all on the same theme - it occurred to me I could have a showing of all of them, and tell the stories that went with them. All very uplifting and hopeful. I also felt the urge to write myself a permission slip - and again, the words came tumbling out onto the paper. Permission to paint whatever I wanted, for myself. Permission to paint the same picture as many times as I needed to - big, small, different mediums - maybe they'd be easier to let go of if I had more than one to give away or sell! I put a big dotted line around it and boxed it. I think I was giving myself permission but it was God's hand guiding the pen. I wish you inspiration and love and the power to give yourself permission to do whatever it is you're afraid to do. Doors are opening.

The other french toast recipe. 'Kay, this is how I make french toast when there's just us (the 5 of us) at home. I don't have measurements, I just kind of mix things together so they look right - so no fear of measurements or anything technical here. It's all look and feel (and taste)! This is my own recipe, totally made up out of my head, from the days when I was a kid and would wake up early on Saturday morning to make toast for the family and then, while it was cooking, run outside and grab strawberries out of the front garden to put on top. Alas, now the deer at my parent's house eat every growing thing in sight and renegade squirrels make off with the rest, but I continue the tradition by making this for my family now and with my own strawberry patch. Note: you can make this as healthy or unhealthy as you like. The point is to experiment and have fun with it. Just please don't copy this to your site and pass it off as your own, or the karma of the toast will come back by clogging your arteries and sending you to an early grave. Don't say I didn't warn you. Feel free to share it, though. You need: - bread (whole wheat, italian, whatever you want!), figure at least 2 slices per person - 1 or 2 eggs - milk - vanilla - cinnamon - butter/margarine - fun extras - berries, whipped cream, maple syrup, strawberry syrup, powdered sugar Get a low bowl - you're looking for something wide and low, like a soup dish. (You don't want to bend your bread!) If you're making it just for you, use one egg, (more people or you want more for later, use two) and then pour enough milk in there so that when you mix it up it's a nice buttery color. I throw in a splash of vanilla as well. I shoot for well-mixed batter with NO big strands of egg white. Whip it, whip it good. Get your pan ready with butter; melt it so that when you have your drippy slice of battery bread you're all set to pop it in there. Then generously sprinkle cinnamon on top of your batter and place a slice of bread in the bowl. I for one don't like soggy toast at all, so I plop the bread in and quickly turn it over to the other side. Put it in the pan with the melted butter, cinnamon side down. Do the same with other slices till you fill up your pan. I happen to hate french toast with pieces of fried egg hanging off it, but if you mixed it well enough, this won't be a problem. If you do like your toast that way, then mix less. While they're browning, sprinkle cinnamon on the sides facing up. Dot with tiny pats of butter; they'll melt on the top as the bottom browns. I like my toast on the crispy side, so I like to get them good and brown like grilled cheese. When you like the way the bottom looks, flip it. When the undersides get nice and brown, remove them from the pan and do the next batch. Pay attention to the toast - turn down the heat if they're getting to dark too fast; and don't be afraid to slide another teeny pat of butter in there if you think it needs it. ;) Ways to serve your toast like we do at our house: - Please, serve it on a nice plate. - Try lots of fun toppings! Some of our favorites are: berries of all sorts, powdered sugar, whipped cream, bananas, nutella... or a combination of any of the above - Please, please, please, don't use Wonder bread, artificial syrup, or other fake stuff. Try the real deal and you probably won't want to go back to that overprocessed stuff. (That being said, my husband the Nature Boy actually prefers Aunt Jemimah to maple syrup. To each his own.) - Allow yourself to eat it sitting down, put on some nice music, and enjoy your food instead of eating it off a paper plate, standing up at the counter while you sip your reheated coffee from the styrofoam container. (This goes for all your food, not just french toast!) Have fun! You can freeze the leftovers... not that we ever have a crazy thing like that in our house!

Angela speaks! Take a listen to the littlest muffin recite some of her favorite words, with a yee! or two thrown in for good measure. Click here to listen to Angela [mp3]

Illustration Friday: Reflection. As I did quite a bit of reflection of the soul-searching sort last week, I figured I'd be literal this week. This is from a large drawing I did almost entirely in teeny tiny crosshatchings many years ago. While the monotony got to me eventually and I stopped using this technique soon after, I still love this picture. Closeup.... whatever was I thinking?!

French Toast Girl is 6, and we're celebrating with new stuff! In honor of the site's sixth anniversary, we're offering two exciting new products! A journal/sketchbook and glossy print, both featuring my blossom faerie watercolour painting. It's taken me a while to produce new stuff because I'm such a stickler for perfection, but these two really are something special! Wanna create? Carry around the journal/sketchbook and keep your dreams close by. Glossy cover and unlined pages. Our wire-bound with 160 unlined pages. 12pt glossy paper cover, coated for scratch resistance. Measures 5" x 8". Or bring some magic into your home with the glossy poster print. It has a wide border and looks great matted or hung plain. Measures 16" x 20" and fits standard frames. Printed on heavyweight 7 mil semi-gloss paper using superior dye inks. What are you waiting for? Go! Look!

Illustration Friday: Wise It's my birthday. I'm not sure if this past year has made me smarter, but it has made me a bit wiser. I've learned so much about finding joy and pleasure wherever I can find it, in the smallest things. I've learned that it's okay to be vulnerable, to be broken, to not be the superest, bestest, happiest supermom ever. That being human is perfectly acceptable. I've learned how vital art is to my well-being - that I am an artist, and that the act of creating and painting can save my very life. I've surprised myself by discovering that I love to work from home, that I can set up 33 things to do in a year and do most of them, that I am much stronger than I think. I've found out a lot about nutrition and the way food is grown and processed that will change the way my family and I eat for the rest of our lives. I've learned that many of the obstacles I think I face, I've created myself. And that I'm the one with the power to clear them away. I've let go of past hurts and misconceptions that made me scared to dream BIG. I've learned that prayer can take many forms, including singing, painting, and taking time to notice the simple beauty in a leaf. I've also learned to say thank you much more often. I've learned to accept whatever blessings come my way with open arms, instead of saying "I'm not worthy" or trying to think what I can give back in return. and... I've learned that treating myself as precious makes me strong.

Illustration Friday: Empty

A brand new look... done at last! See the latest collaboration between Paul and me.... his completely redone and beautified website! (You can see the old one here.) I would post screen caps, but as it's late and I've been flirting all evening with defenstration for this #$%@^&#!! computer (newer one's sitting on the floor next to me, ready to go), I'll have to pass for tonight. Trust me. It's pretty. And if you like it, tell Paul, he'll be thrilled! Oh, and defenestration is one of my favorite words. Ever. If I could, I'd have it on my business card, "Art Director and Defenestrator." Sounds impressive, doesn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah! I have found possibly THE greatest internet radio station of all time - an all Paul McCartney (and Beatles, and Beatle-related) musical extravaganza. I actually heard songs on there that I not only didn't know, but had never heard of. (Yes! There is such a thing! Everyone who knows me is shocked, good and proper.) Go. Listen. Now. And sing along, loudly. ps ~ Does anyone know the song the quote at the top of my comments box comes from? You get bonus points. (You, dear, who already probably not only knows all the songs I don't, but quite possibly knows ones Paul himself hasn't even dreamed up yet - please hold off until others have had a chance.) pps ~ And did you know there's a new McCartney album out next month? Homemade, playing all the instruments himself (again). No sign of artwork...it can't be worse than last time.

Illustration Friday: Aging I have been doing a lot of thinking about aging lately. For one thing, my birthday's in two weeks; for another, I'm on Week Eight in The Artist's Way and one of my tasks is to picture my life in 5 and 10 years' time. This has been the point where I usually quit (tried four times before) because I have a very hard time stating my dreams out loud and actually planning for them. It scares the pants off me, really. But this time I think I'm ready for it. (And there will be much more about all that later.) I have had a couple of wonderful "age mentors" in my life. They have taught me that you can be in your 60's (and your 90's!) and be vibrant, alert, ready for a party or to go biking through Costa Rica. They shake up my ideas about what grandmas can do, or be. So now, knowing that I get incredibly cranky when I'm not at my fullest strength (witness me after my surgery with three babies this year), I've decided to do all I can NOW while I'm still disgustingly healthy to stay that way; to form habits of good eating, clean living, and exercise that will stay with me all my life; to keep my mind and creativity alert and to always be open to learn something new. I plan to be active (probably with long white hair, to boot!) for an awful long time.

#10 and #17 With less than a month left to go, I'm bearing down on my Big 33 List. I'm doing a 5k tonight (walking! I can't run to save my life) and getting my first haircut in three years this weekend. Keep your fingers crossed...

Illustration Friday: Tranquility After the storm comes peace, but you have to make it through the storm first. This song has had a profound effect on me this week. I've been through my storm, and earned my peace.

So busy, I can't sit still. Well, here's another Friday without an illustration to my name. In addition to the usual work/family stuff, I'm now working on having a poster and journal for sale on the site, I'm redsigning a large website, and am in the process of designing 4 CDs. Not to mention doing the Artist's Way and all that involves. So new illos are out until I can finish up all this other stuff. I do have to say that God/the Universe is sending LOADS of opportunities my way, one of which is so exciting I can't talk about it, and I have been welcoming them all with open arms. Bring on the blessings!

Revelations and Blessings Had a fun weekend - on Saturday, we turned in our form for the HP Scavenger Hunt and picked up our copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at the local bookstore. By Sunday morning at 6am, I'd finished it - I was really going to try to stretch this one out and make it last... and somehow, I couldn't do it! On Sunday Snowflake and Lucky came over for lunch, pretty much the first time we've entertained since the twins were born. Petey showed off his newfound abilities by saying Snowflake's name - a truly wonderful thing as mostly his sounds have been limited to "AAAAGH!" and "uh-oh!" And yes, it was absolutely wonderful as well to see them and spend time talking about things that had nothing to do with the kids. In doing The Artist's Way again (on my Big 33 List), I've been surprised this time by having a revelation almost every week, something that never happened to me before. It's dawned on me recently just how truly and deeply blessed I am. Years ago, I gave a talk called "So Blessed" as its theme, but it seems in recent years - with the babies all so little at the same time, the twins' prematurity, the doctors, the recovery, the day to day struggle; the crushing post-partum depression - I didn't feel very blessed at all. I felt burdened. People would pass me struggling to push this mammoth triple stroller on our walks and call out, "God bless you!" and I would shout back, "Thank you! I need it!" But in the past couple of days, I have truly felt again how deeply and strongly God has blessed my life. And then I've also just realized that when people say, "I have no idea how you get so much done, you must be on special vitamins, etc." that God's blessed me in that way too by giving me extra energy and an ability to work hard and get things done quickly. I never gave it much thought before, I just always thought that was just me. But maybe I've been blessed with extra energy because God knew I'd need it to keep up with the kids and be able to do the work that makes me happy and keep everything in balance. In my studio used to be a framed note from a high-school religious education class. It said, "What you are is God's gift to you. What you become is your gift to God." Maybe it's time for me to really start thinking what to do with my gifts.

My boy Petey-Pop...you make my heart go giddy-up Peter's surgery went just great - the actual procedure itself took about 15 minutes. Before surgery, despite getting up at 5:30 in the morning and having nothing to eat since 7 the night before, he was sweet and quiet and charmed the pants off everyone he came in contact with. They let him have his precious duckie at all times and even gave him a puppet to keep, made by volunteers. He was so entranced by the bag it came in that he didn't really care for the puppet, but whatever works.... When the operating room team all said, "Hi, Peter!" he just giggled right back at them. I was able to be with him and hold him as he had anesthesia, and he gave everyone his wonderful sweet Petey smile. Waking up was tough, but not as rough as it seemed to be for Sophie. (We also knew what to expect!) An hour after the procedure, he was back to his cute self. And no, we didn't bring earplugs for the whole recovery room - he never once did the tortured-kitten scream! Could it be that he's giving it up? As soon as we got home, he started playing and had breakfast. Angela and Sophie missed him - Angela especially seemed to be upset by him not being there! So the followup is this - a little Tylenol when he wakes up from his nap, eardrops tonight and tomorrow, and that's it! What a difference from Sophie's experience... and then he'll have a visit with the dr. next week just to check that everything's in place, and then every three months after that. The plan is for the tubes to stay in for about a year, and then fall out on their own. (Anything else can mean more surgery.) Here's hoping that they stay in, do what they're supposed to, and help the boy to HEAR. Thanks for all your prayers. Keep 'em coming! ps ~ I have to add that the nurses said I was the best (meaning calmest) Mom they'd ever seen in the recovery room. I've been there before.... this was nothing! ;)

Petey's surgery is tomorrow morning. Hopefully, these tubes will be the answer we've been looking for, and Peter will be able to hear (and learn to speak) properly. Oh,and if having fluid drain from his ears means he will be more comfortable and give up that kitten-getting-run-over-by-a-steamroller shriek, that would only be the sweetest of icings on the cake. Please send a little prayer our way whenever you can.

for all you commuters... I’ve been starting off every morning painting now. I spent my ”commute time” one rainy morning sitting on the porch with my watercolours, Spackle, the neighbor’s fluffy cat, a big mug of coffee, and a bowl of my homemade granola with peaches, blueberries, kiwi, and raspberries I picked with Angela from our garden. p.s. ~ Anyone want to commute to my house and hang out with me on the porch? Bring your laptop! category | Art

Mindowaskin Park, 8am Last week I posted a question: now that I am not commuting, what will I do with this free time? (I had many great responses, thanks!) So here's what I started... So the first morning - Tuesday - I took a walk in the park and did all the things I can’t do when I have the kids with me – sitting down on a bench, going down paths that DON’T lead to the playground. It was like a mini-vacation all in 30 minutes, I swear! I started out walking fast with my hands jammed in my pockets and ended up just strolling along and touching everything – the moss on the trees, the stones embedded in the bridge over the stream, the funny fluffy flowers that look like something out of Dr. Seuss. My favorite thing I saw was a mama bunny and her baby – I could have held the baby in my hands and his teeny little ears together were no bigger than my thumb. I breathed differently, I walked differently. There was a voice inside my head telling me, "Go ahead. Sit there. Touch that. Now go walk there - slowly - and look around." So I did. And I felt like someone whose glasses were smudged and had gotten so used to not seeing properly, getting those glasses wiped crystal clear and being told, look, look. My heart was so joyful! Since then, I took a brand-new sketchbook and watercolors on my morning jaunts and did some sketches like I did in Italy - although these have a 20-30 minute time limit to them! I will be posting them online as I get them scanned in. (Not bad for 30 minutes, eh?) category | Art

Illustration Friday: Sport We are huge Harry Potter fans at my house. (I know I'm not alone; if I'm the only one who chose to illustrate Quidditch this week, I'll be shocked.) I also found out online there's a movement starting to play Quidditch on bicycles and even one version on unicycles. I'm in! My little town is sponsoring a town-wide Harry Potter Scavenger Hunt, which I've just picked up the forms for today. Stores downtown that are participating have full-colored banners from Hogwarts in their windows, and the aptly named Town Book Store has come up with appropriate questions for each, such as.... "Harry's glasses always seem to break. How many extra pairs does he keep at B. Kubrick Opticians, 100 Central Avenue?" How fun is that?! I have a feeling I will be a common sight downtown, pushing that enormous stroller around the sidewalk and trying to get in all the 27 stores to find out each of the clues. I always did love figuring things out! I could care less about winning anything (although one of the prizes is burgundy and gold yarn and knitting needles from our knitting store, I guess to make a scarf); it's the participation that'll be fun. Hopefully on July 16th I'll be turning in my forms at the book store and picking up our copy of "The Half-Blood Prince." Oh, and house rules: Mama reads the fastest, therefore I get it first. ;) category | Illustration Friday

Seeking creative ideas about time. So tomorrow I start my first day of non-commuting. We've decided that the time I would spend driving to work (about 30 min.) is now my free time to spend any way I please. So the question is: what the heck am I going to do with myself every morning? I need to do something that's away from the kids and is nurturing in some respect. The point is not to spend that half-hour still feeding the kids or folding laundry. Ideas thus far: - yoga - walk in the park (perhaps a chalk in the park!) - walk downtown for coffee/tea and back - ??? And what about those Technorati tags? Does anyone know why in the name of all that's holy the #^%*@&^%$!! tags won't work on my blog? I've scoured Technorati's Help and FAQs and written them three times, and have heard diddley. Very frustrating as I have countless i-Fri entries just begging to all gather in one place and have a party. If you figure it out and I can get them to work, I'll send you a print of your choice! Any takers?

The End of an Era. The palatial yet not overly ostentatious offices of PRI are moving about 1.5 hours away as of today, and I will not be moving with them. After 11 years of working in the same town, I'll now be working from home, with the occasional jaunt southward to the new offices. I didn't cry (much). I'll now be working from the branch office known as The Purple Room (sort of a Pantone 2716 C, to be specific.) You can see pics of the family visit a couple of weeks ago to the office in beautiful downtown Metuchen here.

Illustration Friday: Hero Jim Henson has long been one of my personal heroes. I used to have a framed picture of him (with Kermit!) hanging on my wall to inspire me. Rather than gush about how creative, talented, and what a visionary he was, I'll include more of his words which ring so true for me:

I believe that we form our own lives, that we create our own reality, and that everything works out for the best. I know I drive some people crazy with what seems to be ridiculous optimism, but it has always worked out for me. I believe in taking a positive attitude toward the world, toward people, and toward my work. I think I'm here for a purpose. I think it's likely that we all are, but I'm only sure about myself. I try to tune myself in to whatever it is that I'm supposed to be, and I try to think of myself as a part of all of us - all mankind and all life... At some point in my life I decided, rightly or wrongly, that there are many situations in this life that I can't do much about - acts of terrorism, feelings of nationalistic prjudice, cold war, etc. So what I should do is concentrate on the situations that my energy can affect. I believe we can ... be an influence for good; that we can help to shape the thoughts of children and aduts in a positive way.

A page from my sketchbook: coffee, pencil, and coloured pencil category | Inspiration, Illustration Friday

So true. "I learned, again and again, the lesson of creativity: the painting I make today, the drawing I do today, the poem I do today, is meant to save my life today." ~ Judy Collins, Singing Lessons, a book I totally and whole-heartedly recommend category | Inspiration

Petey needs surgery. Peter and Angela just went to the Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist. Peter has had fluid in his ears for the past 6 months and it messed up his hearing test from November, so we were advised to get it looked at again by both our pediatrician and the follow-up group. So.... Peter still has fluid in his ears and the doctors think it's affecting his speech because he can't hear properly. So we've decided to go ahead and have the tubes put in his ears. It's a fairly common procedure and you can read all about it here - with pictures! (Note, this article is also about ear infections. Peter's never had an ear infection, but the procedure is the same.) Our date is set for first thing in the morning on July 14th. Surprisingly, I am not nearly as freaked out about this as I was for Sophie. Maybe because we've been through this before and the follow-up will be SO much easier than it was with her. Say a prayer for us - we really hope that this will greatly help Peter's hearing. Then he can get to writing that sonata - Mozart wrote his first at age 3, so we'd better get cracking! ;) category | Family

Illustration Friday: Black and White This is one of the illustrations I did for Spirits Unwrapped, a book of short stories about mummies. This scene is from "The Tenth Hat" - I believe this is the sixth hat, which gives the wearer the power of speech with birds. Yes, all the kinds of birds were named, and yes, I researched them all. (If you're going to do something, you may as well do it right, right?) ps: Trying out something new I saw at Braidwood's site - I've been wanting to tag my posts forever, but didn't think Blogger could handle them, so here goes... category | Illustration Friday

Who's on the Artist's Way mailing list? I'm planning to send out an email tomorrow, and so far I have one email request and a few comments that you're starting TAW - if you want to get a weekly email from me can you let me know for sure? I don't want to spam anyone. And please know that I'd love to hear how you're doing with your journey as well! UPDATE: For some odd reason, the comments form is taking your email but not making it visible. Please re-comment with it in the body, or send me an email. I totally apologize. If I missed anyone this week, I'll send it again next week too. Anyone who's hurting for inspiration, make sure you check out Andrea's super-fantastic idea - I just wrote my letter this afternoon and will be posting it tomorrow.

Illustration Friday: Summer This summer is amazingly super-special to me. In order to understand why, check out the illustration I did of me and the kids in the park, one year ago: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Me: pushing the stroller. Acting like everything's cool, when I'm PPD'ed out the wazoo. Angela in the back, Peter sleeping in the middle, monitors attached with wires to their middles and in the pouch under the stroller (not only did we have to get a stroller for three babies, we had to find one that could hold the monitors). Sophie in the front, non-stop stream of chatter and song. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Back to this summer: Me: really happy, pushing 75 pounds of baby, getting a workout with my pedometer, taking the kids to the playground where we'll play on the swings and run around like crazy and look for the family of baby ducks. Peter in the back, twisted around while still keeping his seatbelt on, popping up and hiding behind the shade and cracking himself up into convulsions of giggles. Angela with her dark curls, looking around at simply everything and hanging out the side like a dog in a car (note the little toes hanging down). Sophie with her sneakers on because she's going to climb all over that playground, seed pods in hand that I don't know what they're called but we call them "itchy balls" because they're prickly, and Sophie must have one for each hand on every walk. Still non-stop stream of chatter and song, only now the twins join in. No monitors. No medicine. 50 pounds more of healthy babies that I am more than happy to push around the park or anywhere else. Babies aside, I feel like this is the first time in THREE WHOLE YEARS that I am finally back to normal. Back in my own skin and able to do the things I long for - and incredibly blessed with healthy, healthy kids.

New: an illustration in art + decor magazine in an article on blogging. You can see the original nice and big here.

#23 on the Big 33 List Finally, finally, finally started up The Artist's Way again. This time, I WILL finish it. I think the morning pages are going to be just the thing to help me focus my creativity, which is all over the place. The one thing I do know is that I want to work more and more away from the computer with less chances to Ctrl+Z. Anyone else want to journey with me?

Illustration Friday: Digital

New painting. Tell me what you think it means and then I'll post later what I think it means.

Click here for image: ENVY I've moved the image off the main page because as it was a personal sketchbook image from earlier days, it was making me uncomfortable to look at it every time I came to the site. You can still look at it, but I don't need to right now. Illustration Friday: Envy I work out a lot of anger and frustration in my sketchbooks (you who think I'm mild-mannered knew it had to go somewhere!) A few years ago, I did a number of paintings about not being able to get pregnant and how jealous I was to see expectant mothers everywhere I went. You know about synchronicity - when the universe sends you messages - I felt like all I saw were babies and happy families and big bellies. And all I felt was hollow inside. Well, a couple of years and three babies later (three babies in two years - not a recommended for the faint of heart), I'm realizing that any kind of jealousy can eat you away inside, and leave a hole that needs filling. In my case, love, my faith, and lots of art filled me up. The babies didn't fill the hole. But they helped. ;) ps ~ I totally dig my brother's illo this week.

Illustration Friday: Aquatic A present for my husband, who loves dolphins and whales and all sorts of finny things. We love the song as well. I need to look at this and remind myself to relax... frantic is not the word to describe my life right now. It's uber-frantic. Frenetic, possibly. We have three nights left of piano recitals to go, and I'm taking the kids to my parents' every afternoon and evening, so the house is appropriately quiet. I have a huge project at work that coincidentally, must happen NOW and requires me to be suitably creative and talented. Ah, that would require sleep! It's times like this that I'm grateful for the loving people around me, both at work and home, that make stuff possible instead of making more stress. The love helps, lots. And it also helps to know that in a week, this will all be over and we will be living the life of a normal family where nobody has to work until 10 every night. Summer, here we come! Woo hoo!

Painting and stuff. This is what I've been up to lately... painting like crazy because (a) it's totally fun and challenging to live without the holy "undo" I've gotten so attached to, and (b) because we're about to enter into a week of piano recitals that will keep me far away from my beloved brushes. There will be a painting explosion when I get back. :) The bottom left and middle were done Sunday night, the top left was done Monday, the big one on the right was started Tuesday and finished Wednesday. Starting another one tonight to finish before recitals. All were painted with coffee and acrylics.

Illustration Friday: Nourishment I get nourished by a number of different things, only one of them being food. I get sustenance from so many things - I could have done about 15 paintings (and who knows, maybe I will!) on friendship, family, music, my faith, and my life-saving painting habit. Feeding on words - stories, really - keeps me going and keeps my imagination and creativity alive. It inspires me to share more and more of myself and my own journey, and lets me know that it's perfectly okay to slip into a dream-world for a visit from time to time. I read on average about 10 books a week. Some I love, some I'm rereading, some are boring but I give them a try anyhow. On my nighttable right now are The Gospel According to Paul (dry going) and The Snarkout Boys and The Avacado of Death (what do you think?) I consider my library card to be my passport and a ticket to uncharted and exciting lands. Ingredients for this illustration: coffee (background wash), acrylic paint, pen, computer printout (of my Adventures In Chalking - yet another nourishing habit.)

Sometimes, when your day sucks, all you can do is put on your glitteriest pair of shoes and hope for the best.

Illustration Friday: Mischief My kids haven't figured out how to pool their resources just yet, but as soon as they do.... watch out, world! . . . . . Tomorrow the twins have their one-year visit at the therapists (they would have been one yesterday!) Please say a little prayer - I'm scared that they'll find there's a developmental problem. Stupid worries, I know, but I can't help it.

The best Mother's Day ever What a difference! This time last year, Angela was still in the hospital, and I spent the whole car ride home sobbing like a baby because I had to leave her there. I was incredibly depressed, overwhelmed, and making twice-daily hospital visits, and it all made for a very unfun Mother's Day. But this year! After church, we ALL WENT OUT TOGETHER, which is such an amazing thing I can hardly describe it. Normal people go downtown for a bagel and coffee all the time, but the fact that all 5 of us were able to sit at Panera's and eat something all at the same time is astounding still in this family. We're looking to do more of these outings this summer. And in the afternoon, I actually got to take a quick trip the library and art store ALONE. And since it was Sunday, it was Art Night, which Paul let me start early by getting the kids to bed.... it was probably the best Mother's Day so far for me. A lovely day. We celebrated our milestones so far - no more monitors, no more medicines, no more formula (a $50 savings every week!), and soon to be no more baby food! It's amazing to see how far we've all come. Sophie still astounds me on a day-to-day basis. Yesterday we went to the park and as we got closer to the playground, she called out, "Mama, you want to make a right!" (to turn the stroller into the playground area.) She says please and thank you, speaks in complete sentences, makes jokes, and wakes up singing every day. Her idea of a perfect afternoon is "doing her art gallery" (painting) and "running around outside and going on the swings." She is the coolest 2-year-old I know. Peter will crawl right up and give you a bear hug! Peter lives in extremes; he can't decide whether to laugh or cry when he's tired. One second he'll be writhing on the floor wailing, and the next he's cackling to himself and rushing across the room to grab a book. He can be the most quiet, happy to sit on a lap or push a car intently around the floor while his big hazel eyes take in everything around him. We sing "Petey Pop" to him and he loves it. Angela looks like the sweetest little kitten ever, yet she's the one we have to read "Teeth Are Not for Biting" to! When we sing "Petey Pop" she does the POP! part really loud, and she gets so excited she can't wait and has to do it 17 more times. The other day we listened to "I Don't Want to Live on the Moon" and I mentioned to Sophie that she could look at the book at the same time (we have the picture book). Angela dropped her bottle, wriggled over to the books, went through them until she found THAT BOOK, opened it, and crowed about it. Amazing! And all three of them are gigglers, huggers, and love to eat vegetables. Who could ask for more?

Illustration Friday: Ambition When you look at this picture, you should be singing (a la "Fiddler on The Roof") "Am-bi-shuuuuuuuuuun! Ambition!" At least, I can't stop myself from doing it. I often think that a huge factor in what makes someone a star, or a success, is sheer ambition. There are things you have to want more than anything else, and want it more badly than anyone else (which is why my singing career is pfft; I sing for the joy of it, and I know there are 9 billion people out there more talented than I am. I'm perfectly fine with that, too).

Your opinons wanted! Okay, frequent readers (and not-so-frequent readers), an overhaul of the gallery is in the works! Although I don't have all my work online, I do have a lot of it up there, and it's all categorized. I'm not left with a lot of room for spontaneity. There are paintings I haven't put up since there was no category for them, and I'd like to feature newer work as well. What I want to do is have a new "best of" gallery, where I can feature about 20 or so favorites. I'll still keep all the old stuff there, in case anyone has a hankering to see and read more. The basic idea is to give a sampling of my work for anyone who wants to either hire me, purchase a print, or use an existing illustration for their publication. This is where you come in! Do you have a favorite illustration? (I-Fridays count too, although you'll have to search the blog for them - yet another thing I'm working on: getting all of them in one place.) If there's something you think should be in the new gallery, please either comment below or send me an email. Thanks! ps ~ to anyone who's ever written me about a print or original work: I'm getting my resources together now and I will be getting back to you shortly. Promise!

Illustration Friday: Daring Sometimes daring to believe, when it goes in the face of everything the world tells you, is breathtakingly courageous. This line is (among other things) from a beautiful song by Fr. Carey Landry. After 9/11, all I could think of was this song, and when I finally heard it, sung by a group of children in a church we were visiting, I completely lost it (as I knew I would.) To the best of my recollection, the lyrics are: I believe in the sun even when it isn't shining I believe in love even when there's no one there And I believe in God I believe in God Even when He is silent I believe in miracles I believe in light I believe there will always be a way I believe that nothing is impossible I believe that nothing is impossible That all things are possible with God I believe in the sun even when it isn't shining I believe in love even when there's no one there And I believe in God I believe in God Even when He is silent Even when He is silent

Illustration Friday: Reinvent Honey, I know all about reinvention. I had to start from scratch when I broke up with a boyfriend of 5 years and had no earthly idea what I was like without him. (Better off, for starters.) I had to readjust when I became a working woman, a wife, and you don't want to know how much reinventing I had to do when God gave me three children in two years. Now I'm reinventing myself yet again, this time as someone who eats much healthier, is way more willing to let the small stuff slide, and who wants to be in shape not (just) to look like a hot mama but to make sure I'm healthy for my family. Oh yes, and a woman who knows she must paint to survive. The funny thing is, that every time I felt like I was starting from the ground up, everything that was truly authentically me stayed just the same. And the things that changed, I either said farewell to or good riddance, because I don't need them anymore. So no matter which personna I happen to be... it's still just little me in there. (Illustration: paint, marker, napkin, paper, notebook paper, catalog page, architect's tape, and that mysterious wrapping paper makes another appearance....)

Holey Moley, I HAVE to go to this. "Wild Things: The Art of Maurice Sendak," at the Jewish Museum. It runs from now until the day before my birthday... I am so inspired by his artwork, and not just because he found twelve things to say about chicken soup with rice. He manages to incorporate so many styles and still look like his own work. His paintings are joyful, sometimes disturbing (ever see Outside Over There?) and I think he paints each picture just for his own enjoyment. Which is ultimately as it should be. : : : : : The NYT article (free subscription) with narrated slideshows: "Sendak in All His Wild Glory" Gallery of images to enlarge

Illustration Friday: Alone I enjoy being alone. I don't equate "alone" with "lonely", since with all the 2-and-under's at my house, alone is something to be savored and enjoyed thoroughly. There's something special about quiet time to enjoy a book that doesn't rhyme or have bunnies in it. (Not that there's anything wrong with that...) I've kept this wrapping paper for ages since I love the pattern. It's a little bit audacious and insouciant, two words I love. ;) I like how you can have little pockets of alone-ness in the midst of all the other busyness surrounding you. Just tune it all out and savor your Alone.

Portrait of the artist as a young girl: sketched quickly while Sophie was intent on doing her own painting and had no idea what I was up to. She looked up midway through and said, "Dat is a picture of Sophie!" The fact that she was looking at it upside down at the time means either that the resemblance is true or that there's not too much else it could be and she's a good guesser.

By the numbers I'm working madly, and I have never felt so creative and yet so bottled up. I have 57 posts I could write, 100 things I want to discuss deeply, at least 9 letters I want to write to people, 15.5 sketches my fingers are itching to draw, not to mention the 302 things I want to clean up and change about my environment. I feel so frustrated at having to plod forward, one project at a time, when I want to fly in 100 directions at once. And yet I'm pouring everything I've got into doing work I'm proud of, right here and now. I'm living every moment fully, whether it's neighing like a wild pony with one baby clinging to my back and the other two chasing me around the coffee table, or discussing organic foods with the manager at the local ShopRite and getting them to order in higher quantites (yes!), or preparing final artwork for one book and getting excited about a new opportunity. I'm trying to say YES to everything I can, and enjoy it.

Illustration Friday: Travel I tend to do most of my traveling in dreams. Apologies for using a previous picture, but I'm almost at the finish of the illustrations for the upcoming "Spirits Unwrapped" and I'm pouring all my energies into that. Sneak peeks to come...

Sophie, the Flower Girl Saturday, in the midst of a torrential downpour, Snowflake and Lucky got married. It was both beautiful and unique, and a wonderful time was had by all. I'm not going to go into detail, since she ought to get to do that herself, but I couldn't keep these pics of Sophie all to myself... Blog of the Day! I'm the blog of the day today at Blog of The Day! Feel free to go say something nice. ;)